Dear Diary,
The new hire starts soon, and I’ve been doing my level best to get the office ready.
She comes highly recommended by my chief assistant, so I’m very excited. From what I understand, she’s a good girl, so I’ve taken it upon myself to mold her in my most phenomenal kitty modeling image. She will be both my muse and my protégé, because I feel a responsibility to share my breadth of kitty modeling experience with the world.
I want to be a good mentor to her because I never really had one myself (other than Tim Gunn), and you know me; I like to excel at everything.
Of course, she’ll need to learn runway walking, because it’s such an essential skill. A lot of new models incorrectly assume that walking with fierce purr-pose comes naturally, but it actually takes a lot of practice to correctly shake your groove thang.
Also, in order to eventually run her own fashion and modeling empire, she’ll need to know how to delegate, because no cat is an island. It takes a team. Behind every successful kitty supermodel is an army of fur stylists, makeup artists, personal chefs, personal trainers, nutritionists and masseuses. The new girl has to know how to dish out orders to keep everyone working at peak efficiency.
She also has to know how to lay the smackdown on wannabe divas, which is a skill I learned working with Naomi.
And then, of course, there’s basic fur maintenance, because things happen on the road, and sometimes you don’t have access to your personal stylists. A successful kitty model should know how to take care of their own fur in a pinch, so she should know basic grooming, the importance of fish oil for fur vibrancy and fur detangling techniques.
And to be able to keep up with the demands of a fast-paced lifestyle, a kitty supermodel’s body has to be in top-top condition. Long hours, jet lag and after-parties come with the territory, so cat naps are important. She’ll also need extensive agility training and experience with parasailing, downhill skiing, surfing, wakeboarding, bungee jumping and zip-lining, because sometimes that’s what it takes get an award-winning shot.
I just hope she’s as eager to learn as I am to teach and allows me to mold her in my gorgeous image. OK, Diary, good luck to me!
Affectionately yours,
Tabs
Oh, Tabs! Are you sure the new hire has fur?
Dear Tabs,
You are an inspiration to all of us kitty models. I can’t wait to hear about your mentoring experience with this new mini-assistant. After all she’s been made to order, right?
I’ve heard scary things about this category of human being loud and obnoxious, even some horror stories about tails being pulled and eyes poked by tiny fingers, but I think they are just urban legends. I don’t believe you’ll have a problem asserting your authority on this new staff member, you’re a natural.
Your biggest fan,
Ernesto
PS: did you see my performance in the Purrito photo shoot for the last international Caturday event? I’m quite proud of how it turned out!
I can’t wait Tabs! I’m so excited for you. 🙂 Hugs and kisses.
You’re such a good kitty to pass on your knowledge to the next generation.
With you as her mentor, Tabs, I am sure she will be the one in charge of the office in no time. You will see how eager your assistant will be to carter her every needs!
I hope all goes well with the new assistant, Tabs! She’s going to learn soooo from you!
Dear Tabs,
I think your new assistant may be less scary than one of the four legged canine types!
Tabs, I think you’ll be pleased to find that this education will be a 2-way street. And the new hire is sure to keep you stimulated and in shape, particularly when the runway crawling/walking begins. 🙂
The work never seems to stop rolling in for you, Tabs, but I have no doubt that you can handle it!
Tabs, I hate to break it to you, but….lol!! Learned it from Naomi…too much!! Happy Monday =)
What a lucky assistant! And wow, Tabs, I didn’t know that you were a Jedi!
This was an adorable read! Definitely brightened my day a little! You go Tabs!