Dear Tabby is written by Tabs the cat, widely considered “the world’s first plus-size kitty supermodel.” Founded in mid 2012, it has quickly become the most popular cat advice column on earth — known for its fresh, feline perspective on lifestyle, fashion and style issues affecting cats and humans.
Dear Tabby,
My landlord locks all the doors at night, and it’s preventing me from going outside. How can I rectify this egregious situation?
Sincerely,
Trapped in Tampa
Dear Trapped,
I can’t guarantee you it’ll work, but I’ve had some success mewling as loudly as possible and clawing at the drapes and blinds.
It seems to work best in the middle of the night, and it may require at least three uninterrupted hours of constant clawing.
Meow,
Tabby
Dear Tabby,
Sometimes my personal chef is late to work, and my breakfast isn’t ready when I need it. What’s the best way to let her know that her tardiness is completely unacceptable?
Sincerely,
More Timely Tuna
Dear Timely,
I’ve had the same problem with my personal chef. I recommend extremely loud mewling, and if that doesn’t work, lots of intense, focussed staring.
Meow,
Tabby
Dear Tabby,
My assistant fails to understand that I own everything in the office. How can I politely inform her of her ridiculous oversight?
Sincerely,
All Mine
Dear Mine,
It’s important to immediately claim anything that she appears to be even remotely interested in by draping your entire body across it. At times you may also bite and claw her if she attempts to retrieve an item in your possession.
This is an issue that a lot of cats face.
Meow,
Tabby
Dear Tabby,
I have a very confrontational relationship with one of my neighbors. Frankly, we both really can’t stand the sight of each other. How can I keep him the hell away from my property?
Sincerely,
Furious and Furry
Dear Furious,
One word: attack. Truthfully, some cats only respond to overwhelming force.
Meow,
Tabby
Furious and Furry is a Scottish Fold….just like my Boris. 🙂 Boris has much more fur, especially since he is acquiring his winter coat.
Anyway, my cats can relate to the food story. It became so bad with the waking us up at 3:00 am, we decided to adopt the “kitty buffet”. Now, everyone is happy.
Great advice, as always Tabs! Jiji, Mina, and Quincy send their love.
Most of these situations apply to my dog too? A word of advice from her to all the cats out there- whine a little, give your “landlord” that look, and play the cute card. Your chefs/assistants/butlers won’t be able to see through it!
I’ve tried that: meowing until someone gives me food. Didn’t work. Guess it’s a cat thing.
That made me laugh so hard I nearly choked on my tea. Just keep practicing, Melissa!
It doesn’t work for me either.
Probably because I’m the one who has to get everything for everyone.
🙁
dear tabs,
i want the wet food twice a day. i only get it in the morning. wet food is my favorite thing.
i am very loud. i follow the people around. i jump on things. i look at them and meow some more. i run to the kitchen and go to the wet food. i meow even more. i try sounding sad. i try sounding annoying. i try being cute.
nothing works.
please help.
xoxo
furball the wonder cat
I really love these Sundays with Tabs blogs! I had to laugh about the “intense focused staring” line. Simba uses this nightly if I am not in bed by 9:30. That’s his preferred bedtime. So he positions himself between me and the tv and stares. I know he’s right, that I feel better if I go to bed then, but sometimes it’s just too hard to turn off the tv.
As always, great advice Tabs!
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