theBalm

Victory is ours! Power to the scrunchie!

I’ve been on the hunt for a matte golden brown bronzer without any orange undertones because I like to switch up my bronzer game every once in a while, and I finally found one — Bahama Mama Bronzer by theBalm ($20, available now at theBalm counters and online. ).

The golden brown color reminds me of a big pan of MAC Soba Eyeshadow, but with a matte finish instead of a sheen. Good for contouring cheeks, or as an eyeshadow, or for adding overall warmth to the face.

Even though I feel like the gal on the packaging is throwing me shade (“Karen, really? Another golden brown smokey eye look?”), I kind of love her side eye, haha!

Whenever I like something a lot, I give it a nickname (El Hub, T-Money, RyGos — you know what I do).

So, I have a nickname for this blush by theBalm…

I call it Frat Boy Slim.

Get it? Frat Boy Slim? 🙂

Yeah, OK, I really need to get that “too easily amused” issue taken care of one of these days.

I adore this warm peachy pink matte powder blush to pieces. It blends out perfectly, and it lends that healthy, just-pinched look to my cheeks.

Think NARS Orgasm, but without the golden shimmer.

Oh, and bonus! — on the inside of the pan, it has the phrase, “Beaucoup d’hommes mais si peu de temps…” which I believe means something like, “So many men, so little time…”

Now, why didn’t they teach us cheeky phrases like that in high school French?!

Frat Boy ($21) is available now at theBalm counters and online.

You’d expect a lipgloss named “Pow!” to pack a punch, and this opaque fuchsia gloss by theBalm does just that (it even contains ginseng!).

I like wearing this with black cat eye liner and lots o’ lashes on days when I can’t be bothered by eyeshadow (*flips hair*).

A word to the wise: wear lip liner with this one, as it’s pigmented and opaque, which is great, but it also has a lot of slip because it’s not very sticky, so it tends to scoot around outside the natural lip line, especially if you rub your lips throughout the day like yours truly.

Yeah, I wore this the other day, and my bottom lip ended up looking all sorts of Baby Jane cray…

A lip liner will keep it from wandering beyond where you want it to go, POW! 🙂

You can find Pow making a statement at theBalm counters and online. It’s $15 for a 0.219-ounce tube.

PRICE: $15
AVAILABILITY: Available now at theBalm counters and online
MAKEUP AND BEAUTY BLOG RATING: A- (slightly high maintenance, needs lip liner)

Oh, snap, honey! As far as nude lipglosses go, theBalm’s Read My Lips Lip Gloss in Snap has it — *three snaps in a Z formation* — on point.

I find that many lipglosses, particularly nude lipglosses, aren’t pigmented enough to completely cover my naturally pigmented lips, and so my natural lip color peeks through.

And then with opaque nude lipglosses, so many of them look chalky or patchy or just plain weird.

Snap by theBalm ($15) suffers from none of that nonsense/crazy-business. It’s incredibly smooth and completely full coverage. A subtle injection of rich, rosy brownish pink gives it just enough color to lift up my lips…so I don’t look like some unfortunate extra on CSI who got picked off early in the first few minutes of the show.

PRICE: $15
AVAILABILITY: Available now at theBalm counters and online
MAKEUP AND BEAUTY BLOG RATING: A+

“BAM!”

For some reason, this is what I imagine Tabs says in his little kitty brain whenever he strikes a pose that involves showing off his butt (which is often).

Wait for it… Wait for it… Aaaaand, BAM!

LOL!

That was probably a little too much crazy cat lady to admit in print, but what the hell.

Full-coverage yellowish pink Bam is one of the new Read My Lips Lip Glosses from theBalm, a gang of 11 glosses with a comic book theme. They’re enriched with green tea, antioxidants and moisturizing aloe, with coverage ranging from medium to full, depending on the color. Cost, $15 a pop.

The basics on Bam

• Finish: Creamy, with no glitter at all.
• Texture: Comfy. Bam’s non-sticky formula goes on smoothly and feels great.
• Moisture level: More moisturizing than Aquaman and Prince Namor combined, aka hella moisturizing.
• Wear time: About 2-3 hours on my lips.
• Flavor and scent: Yup, both. Bam has a faint berry flavor and scent that quickly fades.

Bam has been a steady member of my purse gloss superhero team for about a month because it goes with everything. Smokey eyes, neutral eyes — you name it. And because it’s highly pigmented, I can get a nude lip look with just a couple swipes.

Plus, the warm yellow undertones keep my lips from looking too flat or blah…which can happen sometimes with light pink glosses.

I can only think of one thing that would have taken it to the next level… Wear time. Four hours would’ve been nice (instead of 2-3), but that’s just me being picky.

Other than having room for a little longer wear time, Bam is a winner with me.

PRICE: $15
AVAILABILITY: Available now at theBalm counters and online at thebalm.com
MAKEUP AND BEAUTY BLOG RATING: A

Able to leap short distances in a single bound, it’s, it’s…Super Tabs!

By day, he’s just your average diva kitty supermodel. Likes gravy, chasing birds, and watching reruns of My Cat From Hell.

But by night he transforms into the Husky Tabby! 🙂

I’m taking the new Read My Lips Lip Glosses by theBalm for a spin this week, but you know me. I’m already loving ’em because they look so comic bookish and have exclamatory names like BOOM, POW and KA-BANG!

I love comics.

• 11 available shades, $15 each
• Formula includes ginseng and green tea extracts for their energizing and antioxidant properties, and aloe to moisturize lips
• A non-sticky medium-to-full coverage formula

Available now in comic stores everywhere…

Kidding. 🙂 Available now at theBalm counters and online at thebalm.com.