Tabs

Crisis between colleagues!

Today, a special meeting of the Board of Directors of Tabs the Cat Industries, LLC was called to review a most disturbing matter — the repeated and inexplicable disappearance of Chief Feline Officer Rosie’s crunchies.

At various times over the past few weeks, Rosie’s food bowl, which had been previously full, has become empty, and as you can imagine, this caused quite a corporate kerfuffle.

The results of an internal investigation were inconclusive, but Rosie thinks she knows who’s doing it…

Since the official investigation was inconclusive, the board hasn’t taken any action, but Rosie’s suspicions have created a lot of tension…

Unfortunately for Marnie, she has a lengthy record of snack theft, so her history isn’t doing her any favors.

Plus, she was captured on security footage early this morning in the vicinity of Rosie’s food bowl. When asked about it by the company investigator, Marnie lawyered up…

I just hope this gets resolved soon because it’s been bad for morale in the office. 🙂

Your friendly neighborhood beauty addict,

Karen

Things are a little different now under Rosie’s feline leadership — less kitty modeling, fewer lavish parties, and we don’t fly business class anymore. Lot more science, though. 😂 So, on the one paw, we’re on the cusp of developing a new fusion-powered AI robot that can dispense crunchies, but on the other paw, daily life can be a little…boring. But that’s OK! We like boring now.

Here’s a quick look back at a typical spring day when Tabs was in charge. He made everything seem exciting, even just going for our morning walk.

Tabs was hongry today on our walk. Not just hungry, but hongry. He was ravenous! He didn’t even care about the giant turkeys gobbling on the hill or the little kids shouting at the neighborhood playground. He was too busy hunting for the freshest, tastiest shoots of grass, which were hard to find today because the condo landscapers mowed the hill this week.

Tabby loves Novato so much, and we’re coming up on the best time of year for kitty exploring. The days are nice and long now, which means that he can go for more walks.

The only problem is that everyone else has the same idea, so there are also more trespassers and violators of the Tabs the Cat Industries LLC property perimeter.

Consequently, sometimes Tabs has to flex his kitty muscles to show ’em who’s boss, and he’s always ready to throw down, because you never know when some other cat will attempt a hostile takeover. As I’m sure you know, the kitty modeling business is cutthroat.

[Continue reading…]

So, yeah. One of Tabs’ little-known side hustles would have made him even MORE super popular around the neighborhood but, unfortunately, he had to keep his real identity under wraps.

I mean, he wanted to promote it, but his contract with Easter Bunnies Inc. had an airtight NDA.

So it was a pretty thankless job, but still…highly rewarding.

As you can imagine, Easter was a favorite around here.

All of us at Tabs the Cat Industries, LLC were always busy during that critical first quarter trying to maximize the company’s gravy quota, so by Easter we were worn out.

That’s when Tabs would always decide on his spring goals, and when they were good, it definitely helped set the tone for the rest of the year. 😹

Your friendly neighborhood beauty addict,

Karen

Sure, Tabs was a great boss, brilliant thinker, a total disruptor who dominated everything he ever tried, but let’s be real… He was a really tough employer.

He was so demanding! “Meow!” he’d say, or “Mrrow!”

A lot of the time, his directives had to do with treats (of course), or petting — specifically, deep-tissue kitty massage.

I did my best, but I was only human, which yeah, was a bit of liability. That’s why Tabs spent years developing the perfect robotic assistant.

We even released a couple pretty good ones. In fact, our Tabby Dynamics subdivision was the first to bring a bipedal humanoid cat assistant to market.

When Rosie took over as CFO, I thought she’d be different. She had a bit of a softer streak than Tabs, but we quickly realized that she was also pretty demanding.

She isn’t as tough as Tabs was, but I think it’s fair to say that one of our pet assistants has trouble with bananas.

That’s one way to describe it…

She may not be the best assistant.

Because of this, a couple weeks ago Rosie resurrected the Tabby Dynamics personal pet assistant project. She found the original schematics for the designs Tabs created and got to work on an updated version.

There’s already a prototype, and things are looking great! Today it passed a critical juncture. It successfully administered crunchies into Rosie’s food bowl.

Huzzah! Success!!

I just hope it doesn’t put me out of a job.

Your friendly neighborhood beauty addict,

Karen

Rosie, being scientifically oriented, has an affinity for baking. She appreciates the precision and thinks of it like working in a lab, except one where you’re able to sample the fruits of your labor.

We’re all so excited because she opened her new French bakery, La boulangerie de Rosie, in Novato this weekend.

I know! Very exciting.

Unfortunately for Rosie, Marnie was her baking assistant, but it doesn’t look like that’s going to work out because Marnie has no regard for recipes or measurements…or really, any kind of precision.

Actually, Rosie didn’t come up with the idea for the bakery herself. Tabs, as you know, was very forwarding thinking, and toward the last years of his reign he planned to open a high-end cat bakery that also catered to humans (but also cats), and Rosie borrowed the idea.

We can safely assume that if Tabs had gotten the business off the ground, it would have been a huge success.

Yup, everything that cat touched turned to gold. 💛

Your friendly neighborhood beauty addict,

Karen

Yup, the boss lady wants us to tighten our belts around here. It looks like the economy is slowing down a bit, so no more Tuesday all-you-can-eat turkey or free five-egg omelets in the cafeteria. She wants everyone in the company to cut back, and that includes Rosie and Marnie.

Starting immediately, there will be no more kibble showers!

The leadership committee is hard at work identifying opportunities for process improvement…

Rosie and CHO (Chief Hugging Officer) Whiskers are upping the napping quota by a staggering 15%! That means more hugs for everyone! Or else!!!

It’s gonna be rough for a while. Hopefully things turn around soon.

I have faith in Rosie’s leadership ability.

And where many leaders lack empathy, she really goes out of her way to show she cares about people.

It’s very motivating! Marnie is totally fired up about it.

I sure wish Tabs were still around because he was so good at business. He would have known how to navigate a downturn better than anyone. 😊

Your friendly neighborhood beauty addict,

Karen

That little girl in the picture above turned nine years old today.

Yup, today is Connor Claire’s ninth birthday!

Wow.

I remember that day up there like it was yesterday. Poor Tabs… He was slightly confused about the overall gist of the festivities.

I think he thought it was a get-together to celebrate him.

We didn’t want to burst his bubble, so we took a brief interlude to sing him the birthday song. “Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday, dear tabby… Happy birthday to you!” 🙂

Connor Claire didn’t mind, and there was more than enough food, fun and love for everyone.

[Continue reading…]