Tabs

Tabs used to have a roommate, but they had a falling out.

His name was Sushi, and he was a flamboyant, fabulous betta. He was also an accomplished aquatic model.

Before they became friends, Tabs studied Sushi from afar. He took notes on posing and general fabulousness, trying to crack the code to becoming a world-famous supermodel.

Tabs wanted to learn everything about modeling, and Sushi was a pro.

This went on for months. Tabs had great respect for Sushi and what he’d accomplished in the aquatic modeling world, but there was something else…

Over time, the nature of their relationship changed, and Tabs couldn’t explain why. He found himself getting hungrier and hungrier…for knowledge, and he determined that the only way he could truly understand modeling would be to digest everything Sushi had to offer.

To get his mind and body working in unison, Tabs started a rigorous fitness regimen focusing on plyometrics, also known as jump training, with the goal of being able to jump up onto the hutch where Sushi lived in his fishbowl.

Tabs believed that if he could work eye-to-eye with Sushi, Tabs could tap into the secrets of the modeling world…

Of course, in hindsight we know this idea was flawed…

Tabs became obsessed with Sushi and finding a way onto the hutch. He trained relentlessly, day and night, stretching, leaping, reaching and climbing.

This continued for weeks until, one day, or should I say one night, I was walking down the stairs when I saw Tabs perched on top of the hutch with a paw reaching into Sushi’s fishbowl!

“No!” I exclaimed, “Tabs! Get down!”

Immediately, he jumped down onto the carpet, looking confused, aghast, and a little guilty perhaps.

Things were never the same between Tabs and Sushi after that. They stopped talking about modeling and stopped hanging out. They even stopped meeting for lunch. Oh, they lived together for a while longer, but they never spoke again.

To this day, we don’t know exactly what happened or why the relationship soured. It’s a mystery. Totally unexplainable. ?

Your friendly neighborhood beauty addict,

Karen

If you’re a cat, there’s a lot to see and do on our little oak tree-covered hill.

Tabs was a BIG fan. We spent hundreds if not thousands of hours “patrolling” the hill.

Rosie is still building up the courage to explore and learning how to guide me on her harness, but she’s getting there.

The hill is home to a thriving community of turkeys, deer, other cats (some nice, some malcontents), dogs, coyotes, quail, finches, owls, hawks, crows, woodpeckers, raccoons, squirrels, foxes and a rabbit (or two), to name a few.

Tabs sort of administered everything to make sure the community performed at an optimal level, which he liked to do from one of his many perches, like his window shelf in the living room or his outdoor tabby command center.

But sometimes you have to get out there and get your paws dirty to see what’s really going on, which we did all the time on our walks.

The grass on the hill is all dead and dry right now, but the oak trees are green and action-packed.

Problem is, some of the critters in the area are no longer following proper procedures, like this ne’er–do–well who refuses to show his authorized tree pass.

[Continue reading…]

One day a few years ago Tabs was working on some new fashion sketches for his latest cat collar in a sunny patch of sidewalk in front of the house.

He was deep in the creative zone when, out of nowhere, Harris the neighborhood cat bully appeared. Before Tabs could react, Harris leaped on Tabs’s sketchbook, and in a frenzy of fierce claws, ripped a bunch of pages out and ran off with them! He sped away around a corner of the garage and out of sight.

Tabs was speechless. “What the? No! Why!?” He sat there trying to process the horror that had just happened. Tabs had just finished a new sketch for a sunflower summer collar he was sure would take the feline fashion world by storm, but now it was…gone! Harris took it for no reason, totally unprovoked. It was the rudest, meanest, rottenest thing Tabs had seen in a long time, and he was shocked — shocked! — that any cat would do it.

“Hey!” he shouted, “Do you have any idea what you’ve done?”

No answer.

Tabs was completely aghast. In his estimation, he had just created the design for a collar so fabulous and so revolutionary that it would end the city-country cat wars and bring peace to all felinekind. How could any cat be so selfish and short sighted that they would jeopardize world peace like that?

“This is about more than fashion!” he yelled and shook his paw.

Still no answer.

Despite Harris’s brazen daylight attack, Tabs went on to recreate his design and finish it the following year. It went on to become his magnum opus, his masterpiece, selling a record 300 million collars. ?

In other news…Van Helsing. The show on Syfy? Do you watch it? We started watching it on Netflix last week, and it’s surprisingly good! — if you like post-apocalyptic vampire shows, which I do. It stars a cat who looks just like Tabs…

Kidding. ?

For real, it’s good though.

Your friendly neighborhood beauty addict,

Karen

Total pool weather today. It was 91! This was the type of day Tabs would have spent by a body of water of some kind, and of course he would have been fashionable.

I’m sure there also would have been toys…

Tabs loved lounging by the pool. It was his favorite way to recharge after a rough week of jet setting and kitty modeling, and he also thought it brought out the orange tones in his fur.

He didn’t just rely on the sun for that though. He was also a huge proponent of bronzer. ?

Rosie likes to lounge in the sun too, but not as much as Tabs did. Tabs would sleep in a sunny spot on the carpet and follow it as the sun moved across the sky. He would get up, scoot over, and plop back down over and over until the set went down, and he did that almost every day. He also got kind of fussy when it was overcast. He was definitely a solar powered tabby.

Your friendly neighborhood beauty addict,

Karen

I don’t know how Tabs did it. I spent, what, two days “in the woods,” and I was ready to tap out, but Tabs was famous in the backpacking and wilderness worlds for his ability to live off the land for weeks and months. I suspect it could have been years, but he had his busy modeling career to tend to.

Today I was put in charge of navigation on the drive back from the lake, and the only way I was able to get home was by remembering Tabs’ tried-and-true map tips. Up is north. Down is south. West is left. East is right. And always use a compass.

I think he would have laughed at El Hub’s campfire building skills. Tabs was known to create a roaring flame using just two sticks and his paws.

One thing we did get right was the making of the s’mores. Tabs would have been proud. Turns out my marshmallow roasting skills are superb, but that’s only because Tabs taught me the secret. The more marshmallows you use, the more chances you have to satisfy your tum.

As we were snug in our tent last night, I couldn’t help but think of the time Tabs designed a series of cat tents for REI. Some of the designs were sleek and simple, like this one, but there were also luxury options too for the cat who believes that more is more. His was outfitted with a solar powered gravy dispenser and genuine Louis Vuitton print.

Your friendly neighborhood beauty addict,

Karen

So this is gonna be a pretty quiet Independence Day by Tabs’ standards. He used to go all out, of course. As you can probably imagine, he was all about celebrating the 4th. He lived a life figuratively filled with fashion fireworks, and his flamboyant personality dazzled the night sky on many occasions.

He was a regular fixture at the annual Marin County fair every July, which due to current events has been cancelled this year. He would purrform some of his greatest hits on stage under the big tent where folks would retreat with their funnel cakes and corndogs to get out of the hot sun, and he always dressed the part.

Ooh, that cat loved fireworks!

Really, he just liked having a good time, and he loved independence — both his and ours.

If Tabs were here this year, despite the virus, I’m sure he would have figured out a memorable way to celebrate the 4th. I hope we can too.

Your friendly neighborhood beauty addict,

Karen

Tabs never knew his real dad. He grew up a stray on the mean streets of Mill Valley, and when he came to live with us, it was more of an employer-employee relationship, where I served as his gravy chef, deep-tissue kitty masseuse, fur stylist and executive assistant.

But he and El Hub had a very special relationship. It wasn’t really parental, but they had a deep friendship. If Tabs were here, he would wish El Hub a Happy Father’s Day and say thank you.

Tabs and El Hub went on many long walks together on the hill outside our condo, exploring further than Tabs and I did. They got into all kinds of mischief over the years, like the time Tabs cornered a shrew by the old oak tree, or the time Tabs found an unguarded turkey egg in the grass, or the time Tabs got into a fur-flying scuffle with a local Russian Blue over catnip property rights.

After a hard day’s work, they loved hanging out together.

Tabs seemed very grateful for the bond he shared with El Hub, and whenever El Hub called his name, “Tabs!” no matter where either one of them were in the house, Tabs always came running and meowed every step of the way.

Anyone who thinks that being the face of a global fashion brand and kitty modeling empire is easy doesn’t understand what it takes — all the sacrifice and commitment. And it also takes having people and cats you can trust who have your best interest at heart.

El Hub was the closest thing Tabs ever had to a father, and they loved each other deeply.

Not only were they colleagues working to build a feline fashion empire. They were also family members and best friends.

Your friendly neighborhood beauty addict,

Karen

When Tabs would walk the halls at Tabs the Cat Industries, LLC headquarters, you had to be on guard. It was like being in the military when a four-star general walked by. “Atten-hut! Officer on deck!” He had high standards and demanded a lot. You were expected to work long hours, sometimes even preparing gravy for his midnight snacks. You were also expected to be on call 24/7 for fur maintenance.

That’s just the way it was. There was no cruising or resting on your laurels. You were only as good as the last massage you gave him. Tabs didn’t only demand excellence from himself. He also demanded it from those around him.

And if you ever stepped up to him to complain about your job, you better have had a new job lined up. He was a taskmaster alright, but he was also the most generous employer I’ve ever had. I mean, if you lasted long enough to get promoted to Senior Pet Assistant, you got a lifetime supply of free kitty hugs.

I can’t lie; it was a difficult job, but I loved every minute of it. 🙂

Your friendly neighborhood beauty addict,

Karen