Makeup

7 Cat Lady Things You Could Do While Wearing the 7 New NARS Lip Gloss Shades

April 4th, 2014 by Karen 29 Comments

NARS Priscilla Lip Gloss — A crazy cat lady holding a cat flask while wearing the new NARS Lip Gloss in Priscilla, a shocking pink

What are some things you can do while wearing the seven brand new shades in the newly reformulated NARS Lip Gloss line?

Hmm… Well, you could start writing that young adult novel you’ve been meaning to, and by “you” I mean me (and maybe also you); you could have donuts for dinner; or, if you’re a cat lady like me, you could…

1. Hug your cat while wearing NARS Lip Gloss in Tasmania

NARS Tasmania Lip Gloss — That’s me wearing NARS Lip Gloss in Tasmania, a pink cantaloupe

If time permits, bury your face in his or her tummy while saying, “Mmmmm, delicious tabby belly meat!”

Do this until he or she gets angry.

2. Fall in love at the Humane Society while wearing NARS Lip Gloss in Sixties Fan

NARS Sixties Fan Lip Gloss — Here I’m wearing NARS Lip Gloss in Sixties Fan, a pomegranate

While there, you could also seriously consider adopting a cat. Or two. Or twelve. And pretend not to hear your husband when he says, “Twelve is just too many!”

I mean, how could you not fall in love with a kitty like Kanji, a gorgeous boy with the most beautiful blue eyes in the world?!

3. Wear a cat t-shirt to the mall while wearing NARS Lip Gloss in Salamanca

NARS Salamanca Lip Gloss — That’s NARS Lip Gloss in Salamanca, a pink flamingo, on my lips

Bonus points if the cat on your shirt is wearing glasses.

4. Look for kitty-themed home decor at Anthropologie while wearing NARS Lip Gloss in Quito

NARS Quito Lip Gloss — Here I’m wearing NARS Lip Gloss in Quito, a bright strawberry pink

Why?

Because surrounding yourself (and your kitty and non-kitty companions) with cat-themed home decor takes your cat lady-ness to the next level.
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What the Bite Beauty Matte Creme Lip Crayons Are Really Thinking About at Sephora, Plus New Divergent-Themed Makeup and Givenchy Ombre Couture

April 2nd, 2014 by Karen 21 Comments

The following is an un-redacted transcript of a conversation that occurred among the six $24 limited edition Bite Beauty Matte Creme Lip Crayons at the Novato, California, Sephora store at precisely 9:55 a.m. on Wednesday, April 2, 2014.

KUMQUAT: Wake up, you guys! Show time in five minutes. Chop-chop!

GRAPE: Awwww, come on, man! Just 10 more minutes, please? I’m so sleepy…

KUMQUAT: No way, Grape. Everyone, UP! UP! UP! We need to look perky when the store opens. Remove your caps, back straight, and get in position. Stand proud like the pigmented lipsticks you are!

Bite Beauty Matte Cream Lip Crayons, $24 — Bite Beauty’s $24 Matte Cream Lip Crayons

CLEMENTINE: Geez Louise, Kumquat! — chill! I don’t see why we have to hurry. I mean, who visits a Sephora at 10 o’clock sharp on a Wednesday?

We have time. Let’s have a nice breakfast together as a family for once. I could make those pigment pancakes you like? 🙂

KUMQUAT: Absolutely not. I shouldn’t have to say this, again, but we stand at the front of the store.

The front of the store! Do you have any idea what that means?! We have to look our best every day. It’s…

Wait — shhh! Don’t make a sound. Someone just walked through the door…

IT’S A CUSTOMER!

SATSUMA: Oh, it’s that same girl from the other day again, the one who’s always covered in cat hair.

Why is she always here?! And doesn’t she have one of those pet hair roller things? I mean, come on! This is Sephora, for crying out loud. Sacred ground. People be rollin’ up here in skinny jeans lookin’ like they just fell out of bed two minutes ago.

SWEETY: Be nice, Satsuma. I see her all the time. She’s actually pretty cool. She takes pics and swatches for her friends. I think she’s on YouTube…

BLOOD ORANGE: Oh, really? Pictures, you say? Well, point her my way because I love having my picture taken.

Yoo-hoo! HEY, LADY! OVER HEEERE!

KUMQUAT: Just stop it already! She’s coming over. Remember, the customers can’t know that we talk amongst ourselves. We’re supposed to be inanimate. Stand straight, shut up and sit still. It’s time to go to work!

Bite Beauty Matte Lip Crayon Swatches from the left: Blood Orange, Clementine, Grape, Kumquat, Satsuma and Sweety — Bite Beauty Matte Lip Crayon Swatches from the left in Blood Orange, Clementine, Grape, Kumquat, Satsuma and Sweety

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Clinique High Impact Extreme Volume Mascara and a Good Morning Routine Just Might Make for a Great Frickin’ Day

April 1st, 2014 by Karen 22 Comments

This post is first and foremost a review of Clinique’s High Impact Extreme Volume Mascara ($19.50)…

…but before we get to that, I just need to say, DUDE. Seriously, if you are not a morning person, I get it. I totally get it. Weekday mornings?! Ugh, mine are almost always rough — rough like that sketchy off-brand toilet paper El Hub always buys, even though I’ve told him about a billion times that “Charmin Ultra Soft is the only way to go.” (Note to self: stop asking that man to buy toilet paper.)

When my alarm sounds, I open my eyes and start mentally ticking off the things I want to do that day (good grief, why is that list always so hella long?!). Oftentimes, even before I get out of bed, a sense of panic has set in…

But ya know, gotta get up. Gotta get going. Can’t hide under the covers, as tempting as that sounds sometimes.

You know how it is. Some mornings you’re faced with a choice — a choice between indulging your inner grumpy goat and letting her wreak havoc, or doing everything in your power to have a GREAT FRICKIN’ DAY!

I usually shoot for the latter (not always successfully, mind you), and most of the time when things work out fairly well, I seem to have followed a morning routine very similar to this one:

I get out of bed right when the alarm goes off, versus hitting the snooze button and falling back to sleep. If I hit the snooze, even if it’s just for 10 more minutes, I may get up feeling groggy.
I have my first cup of coffee and quickly get a little food in my tum
I get my booty in motion by either walking or running on the treadmill for at least 20 minutes, during which time I’ll listen to some upbeat music and/or mull over what I want to accomplish that day.
I primp and do whatever I can to feel cute — taking a shower, fixing my hair, applying makeup (this morning I filled in my brows, applied under-eye concealer, some High Impact Extreme Volume Mascara on my upper and lower lashes, and lipgloss) and picking an outfit that isn’t likely to be 1) mistaken for workout wear or 2) ratty pajamas.

More often than not, when I follow this routine, I have a pretty good day.

How about you? What’s your “good day” morning routine like? 🙂

Now, on to Clinique’s High Impact Extreme Volume Mascara…

Clinique’s High Impact Extreme Volume Mascara has actually been on counters for a while, but I only just recently gave it a try. With its oversized brush, it’s designed for dramatic lashes with extreme thickness and volume, and safe for sensitive eyes and contact lens wearers. It’s also available in two shades — 01 Extreme Black, which is the color I’ve been wearing, and 02 Black — both available now at Clinique counters and clinique.com.

So, my natural lashes? Well, let’s just that they don’t stop traffic. They probably wouldn’t even stop a slow-moving Radio Flyer Red Wagon, LOL! They’re mediocre at best — not too long, thick, full, nor curly. Just…there.

Mascara is an everyday must for me, and the more extreme, the better. So, yeah, I was all over this stuff as soon as I read the name on the tube — Clinique High Impact Extreme Volume Mascara.

Clinique High Impact Extreme Volume Mascara Brush — Long, oversized brush with small, stubby bristles

What’s the lash look?

Two or three coats deliver thick, glossy fringe, without any clumps or crispiness, but I’d be hesitant to call the look, “extreme.” More like “lush, but not dramatic. Like something I’d wear if I wanted a natural look, but FYI: my idea of natural lashes is what a drag queen would wear on her day off. 🙂

Also, it doesn’t lift a lash curl as much as I usually like, but since it isn’t billed as a lash-curling mascara, that’s no big whoop.

Staying power and removal?

As long as I don’t rub my eyes or futz with them, I get about 8-10 hours without a smudge or flake.

That’s good.

Removal’s also easy. I don’t even have to use a separate eye makeup remover. My regular, and always dependable, Neutrogena Gentle Cleanser and warm water does the trick.
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MAC Patentpolish Lip Pencil Swatches and a Break in the Storm

March 31st, 2014 by Karen 23 Comments

It has been gloomy, wet and gray here all day today, both outside my house and inside my head.

CRANKY! — with a capital B for BRAT. That’s what I’ve been today.

Not even swatching all 12 of the new MAC Patentpolish Lip Pencils could cheer me up, which is like…unfathomable.

I mean, hello! — they have names like “Pleasant,” “Fearless” and “Revved Up,” and just look at how bright and shiny they are. Oh, yeah, and supremely moisturizing.

I just felt cooped up, tense and scatterbrained this afternoon. At one point I turned on Milli Vanilli’s Blame It on the Rain and listened to that for a while…

Didn’t help, so I just sat in my chair and pouted. 🙁

And then, finally, there was a break in the storm we’re having (which, incidentally, laid waste to my deck garden), and I saw sunshine outside. Sweet blue skies and sunshine, rejoice!

I pulled on my Zella hoodie, a pair of tennies and told Tabs, “BRB.” Then I went for a walk.

Just walked around my circle, down the big hill, then up the street and back. I looked for cats but didn’t see any. I also made myself look at random things — everything — really closely, like at the glistening wet asphalt and the rain drops hanging from the pine needles overhead and the lavender bushes along the side of the road and how they all lean the same direction together like choreographed dancers.

And then I felt better.

Better about everything.

Isn’t that weird? I spent hours today unsuccessfully trying to will myself to feel better (it’s nothing, really, just one of those days), and Mother Nature did it in 10 minutes.

That’s some powerful stuff right there. 🙂

In other news…here are swatches of the 12 new MAC Patentpolishes on my NC42 kisser (they’re $20 each US, $24 CDN).

I reviewed them last week but didn’t swatch all of the colors, so here goes. Maybe if you’re trying to decide among them, the swatches will help.

The MAC Patentpolishes are available online now at maccosmetics.com and coming April 3 to North American MAC counters (internationally this May).

MAC Patentpolish Lip Pencil in Sultana, a dark grape — Sultana, a dark grape

MAC Patentpolish Lip Pencil in Berry Bold, an orangey red — Berry Bold, an orangey red

MAC Patentpolish Lip Pencil in Teen Dream, a bright coral-orange — Teen Dream, a bright coral-orange

MAC Patentpolish Lip Pencil in Pleasant, a rosy pink — Pleasant, a rosy pink

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Guerlain Is Cooking Up Delicious New Lip Looks With Seven New Rouge G Lipstick Shades

March 28th, 2014 by Karen 29 Comments

Guerlain Rose Grenat — Cooking with K-Dawg and T-Money!

[OK, GUYS, WE’RE LIVE ON THE AIR IN THREE, TWO, ONE…]

Hi, everyone, and welcome to Cooking With K-Dawg and T-Money, the number one cooking show on TTCTV (Tabs the Cat TV), where we teach you absolutely nothing about food.

That’s right! — not a damned thing. 🙂

Hungry for homemade pasta? Salivating over sushi? Craving killer creppes? GURL, you won’t hear about any of that stuff here.

That’s because we dish about makeup, and today we’re cooking up delicious looks for lips with some new products from Guerlain.

Wearing the new Guerlain Rouge G in 864 Rose Grenat ($51), new for Spring 2014 — Wearing Guerlain Rouge G in 864 Rose Grenat ($51), new for Spring 2014

Shoo’, I couldn’t cook my way out of a paper bag, and my cat co-host Tabs lacks opposable thumbs, so he’s no cordon bleu chef, either.

Oh! — I’ve just been corrected by my producer. Apparently, I should have referred to my kitty co-host as, “Internationally renowned plus-size kitty supermodel, hip-hop mogul and founding member of Kitty Mensa Tabs the Cat.”

My bad.

Let’s get started. Step one: prepping our ingredients. 🙂

Four of the seven new Guerlain Rouge G's — Four of the seven new Guerlain Rouge G’s, $51 each, coming next month to Guerlain counters and online

It’s important to use the freshest ingredients, so today we’ll be working with a new crop of Rouge G Lipsticks ($51 each).

Four of the 7 new Guerlain Rouge G's — Four of the seven new spring 2014 Guerlain Rouge G’s

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Chic Cheeks Are MAC-ing a Comeback: The MAC Tres Cheek Blushes Are Back

March 28th, 2014 by Karen 27 Comments

Three of the four MAC Tres Cheek 2014 Blushes

You might remember these MAC cuties from waaaay back in the day — like, um, 2012, LOL!

MAC quietly re-released four of the six shades from 2012’s fabulous Tres Cheek collection of blushes on maccosmetics.com this week.

Remember Tres Cheek? It had some majorly memorable shades. Smooth textures, fresh colors and some of the most natural-looking, wearable shades I’d seen from the line.

If ya missed them the first time around, here’s a second chance to grab bright pink Lovecloud, lavender Full of Joy, reddish orange Modern Mandarin and/or bright bluish pink Peony Petal ($20 each) while they’re available online. They’ll also be coming to counters April 3.

MAC Modern Mandarin — Modern Mandarin Blush

MAC Full of Joy Blush — Full of Joy Blush

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May You Always Shine Like the New MAC Patentpolish Lip Pencils

March 27th, 2014 by Karen 28 Comments

May you always…

…have extra cat treats in your pockets, because you never know when you’ll turn a corner and make a new friend.

Charlize, my kitty cat homegirl who lives down the street

May you always…

…feel a bit of extra breathing room in your skinny jeans. (Mine are a little snug right now, not gonna lie!) 🙂

MAC Patentpolish Lip Pencil in Fearless, a deep bluish pink — Patentpolish Lip Pencil in Fearless, a deep bluish pink

May you always…

…shine like the star you are, just like the new MAC Patentpolish Lip Pencils — even when you’re feeling tired or a little blue.

MAC Patentpolish Lip Pencils from the top to the bottom: Teen Dream, Pleasant, Innocent and Berry Bold — Patentpolish Lip Pencils from the top to the bottom: Teen Dream, Pleasant, Innocent and Berry Bold

MAC Patentpolish Lip Pencils in my paw for scale — Patentpolish Lip Pencils in my paw for scale

MAC Patentpolish Lip Pencil Swatches from the left: Berry Bold, Fearless, Innocent, Pleasant and Teen Dream — Swatches from the left: Berry Bold, Fearless, Innocent, Pleasant and Teen Dream

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For Full, Lush Brows That Even a Werewolf Would Envy, Try the New Too Faced Brow Envy Kit

March 26th, 2014 by Karen 24 Comments

Ring! Ring!

KAREN: Hello, this is Karen.

CAITLIN GREY-FANG: Hi, Karen, this is Caitlin Grey-Fang of Modern Werewolf Magazine. How are you today?

KAREN: Great. How ’bout yourself?

CAITLIN: Excellent. I’m calling to first introduce myself and say hello. I’m Modern Werewolf’s new beauty editor, and I was referred to you by Tabs the cat.

KAREN: Oh, hello. It’s nice to meet you.

CAITLIN: I’m writing a story for our blog on modernwerewolf.com that I hope you can help me with.

KAREN: Let me guess — body hair removal? ‘Cause, GURL, I could talk about that FOR DAYS!

CAITLIN: Actually, no. But the next time I do a hair removal story, I’ll be sure to call you. I was actually wondering if you had a moment to talk about brows.

KAREN: I most certainly do! It’s a subject near and dear to my heart. How can I help you?

CAITLIN: Well, as you know, most werewolves are blessed with big, lush brows, which is currently on-trend in the beauty world; however, there are a subset of lycanthropes who do need a little help when it comes to faking full brows.

I was wondering if you could offer a few thoughts on the new $39 Too Faced Brow Envy Kit. I hear from my colleagues that you’re a fan of the line, so I figured I’d call you for the 411?

Too Faced Brow Envy Brow Shaping & Defining Kit, $39

KAREN: Sure! What a coincidence. I’m actually wearing Brow Envy today.

CAITLIN: Excellent! So tell me about it. Is it already out? And what does it do exactly?

KAREN: OK. Well, it was recently released with the Too Faced summer 2014 collection, and it’s available now at Too Faced counters and online for $39.

It comes with a couple of brow powders, a cream highlighter, a setting wax and several tools, like a tiny tweezers, a small angled brush, a spoolie and some stencils, although — how can I put this? — it’s my understanding that some werewolves prefer the look of a single strong brow.

CAITLIN: A unibrow? Yes, that is the fashion in some packs.

Too Faced Brow Envy — Brow Envy Brow Shaping & Defining Kit, $39

KAREN: Alright. Well, I suppose that if one wanted to create that look, they could do so pretty easily freehand using the products in this kit.

CAITLIN: Great! Could you explain a little for our readers how you use the palette?

KAREN: It’s easy. You fill in your brows with either the Brunette or Blonde powder, or you could even mix both if you’d like, and then set your brows with the setting wax to keep them in place.

Then, kind of as an added bonus, if you want to emphasize the arch in your brows, you can take the pink matte highlighter, run it just beneath the bottom of your brows, and blend, blend, blend.

As for the stencils, well, the idea is to use them to outline your desired brow shape by placing one directly on top of your brows and filling it in, but, truth be told, I never use stencils because the shapes always fit funky on me, so I just freehand it, and I’d recommend your werewolf readers do the same.

CAITLIN: When it gets right down to it, how do you think this palette performs? Do you think a werewolf with sparse brows would be able to get the full look he or she wants?

KAREN: Based on how it performs on humans, I’d say yes, they would. I’ve been using it for about a week now, and one of the things I really like about it is how quickly you can darken your brows with it because of how much pigment the powders pack. My brow hairs are naturally quite dark and, frankly, I was afraid that the Brunette shade wouldn’t do anything for me, but it does! It’s actually pretty intense.

I do have to say, though, that the setting wax and highlighter may not have enough “oomph” for some of the werewolves I’ve seen on TV. The wax doesn’t really have a lot of hold at all — either that, or my brow hairs are way too unruly, LOL! And the highlighter is awfully subtle.

Oh! And if your fur is red or silver, you’re kind of S.O.L. here, as the kit only comes with Brunette and Blonde powders.

CAITLIN: Can I get your take on the tools?

KAREN: Yeah, I’d probably only use ’em in a pinch. The tiny angled brush is difficult to use and imprecise, and the tiny tweezers and spoolie, while cute, might be too small for larger werewolf…hands? Paws?

Too Faced Brown Envy Kit — Additional makeup in this look: Liner is Urban Decay Super-Saturaed Ultra Intense Waterproof Cream Eyeliner in Perversion, lips are MAC Crosswires lipstick, cheeks are MAC Cantaloupe blush

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