Fashion

Somewhere out there beyond the Mars Curiosity rover in a parallel universe where space and time are all mixed up and funkdafied, a 90-something-year-old Karen is sitting on her living room couch with Tabs 4.0 because, obviously, by that time kitty cloning will be, like, a thing, and alternate future Karen will have the foresight to preserve Tabs 1.0’s DNA.

Future Karen is watching an old movie on TV (the original Sex and the City — the good one) for the umpteenth time and smiling nostalgically as Carrie skips down the sidewalk in her Jimmy Choos.

Future Karen scratches Tabs 4.0 on the head, then starts massaging her titanium robot feet and knees. “Boy,” she says, “it’s a good thing I started wearing flats on the regular in my thirties!”

Tabs 4.0 meows in complete agreement…

“Thank goodness for the BCBG Zuma flats.”

Yeah, I don’t know nothin’ about no flats, son.

Okay…I know you’re probably not a son, but it just seemed right to throw that in there at the end.

Like I was saying, I don’t know jack about flats, but I do know that almost every woman I meet over 60 goes “Tsk tsk tsk,” when she sees me in high heels, so I figure I should start wearing flats every so often.

It also gives me another excuse to buy shoes. 🙂

I feel like Frodo Baggins when I wear these, but I like ’em even though they’re short.

So shiny… So sparkly… And the ankle strap keeps my heel from popping out when I walk.

Ugh, I hate it when that happens — when your shoes go flapping in the wind. It’s one of the reasons I’ve avoided flats for so long.

Thankfully, it doesn’t happen with these.

They have some pretty good arch support, too, but I might add an insert to help my dogs through extra long days…like for when Ryan Gosling’s people call to say that, yes, he’d like to hire me to ghost write his personal blog, and I’ll be expected to chase after him for 14-16 hours per day (preferably, he is shirtless in this scenario).

How comfy are they? Well, I sprinted a hella long city block and down two flights of stairs at Macy’s in SF last Friday so that I could eat my cup of melting Pinkberry fro-yo in the sunshine outside.

That’s comfy, right there. 🙂

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I took a detour through nirvana this afternoon, also known as the San Francisco Union Square Saks Fifth Avenue shoe department, after my interview with D&G’s Christian McCulloch.

So much joy… So much beauty…

Yeah, now I have an answer for the question, “If you were locked in a store overnight, which store would you want it be?”

Um, Saks. 🙂

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“I just don’t understand why you need so many clothes,” says El Hub, EVERY TIME WE GO SHOPPING. “I’ve been wearing the same pair of jeans for 10 years.”

“Exactly,” I’ll say. “Exactly.” And then he’ll get this totally confused look on his face, like how Tabs looks at doors…

Poor guy. He just doesn’t understand. 🙂

But much to El Hub’s shock and delight, I left Nordstrom’s anniversary sale empty-handed last weekend.

Well, technically. While I was there, I got to chatting with a stylish Nordie’s sales associate about trendy jewelry to wear with my summer wardrobe. She grabbed my elbow, pulled me aside and whispered, “Try Anthropologie. They have a great selection of long layering necklaces from, like, $18-40.”

Um, SCORE!

I took her suggestion and bolted over to the store, where I found a bunch of cute pieces to mix and match with plain tanks and tees this summer…

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An insatiable appetite for “just one more purse.” I HAZ IT!

And rather than reeling myself in, controlling my hunger and mining my closet for classics like the quilted Kate Spade bag that rarely left my side during the summer of 2010, I find new reasons to adopt new bags, like “If the universe were really against my getting another purse, it would not have filled DSW with so many cute ones.”

At least, that’s what I told myself when I spotted the Perforated Satchel, a product of Poverty Flats by Rian.

The first time I saw it was at nordstrom.com a while back, but it was $80 at the time and sold out.

Each time I checked back, it was sold out, so I figured it wasn’t meant to be…

Then, when I spotted it at DSW for $49.95 two weeks ago, I jumped! I couldn’t say no to the black, tan and cream blocked design, which I thought would go with almost everything.

Now I have all this extra time on my hands (okay, it’s only about 2 extra minutes) that I’m not spending wondering which bag to wear with what shoes, since this lightweight, faux-leather zip-top satchel easily dresses up or down.

I can slip it on if I’m going casual with my tan platform wedges on the weekend, or going dressier with black strappy sandals for a nice dinner.

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Before we sock it to ’em today and talk toes, here are reasons number 3,165 and 3,166 to try those Zella Live-In Capris I gushed about last week, the Lululemoon-like (but more affordable) workout pants that miraculously keep everything from jiggling around but don’t make me feel like a sausage…

“My Zella capris came in today. Life changing! :)”
— Vanessa of Beauty by Vanessa Haro

“Those pants are man-attractors! I got checked out twice on my walk and that never happens, lol!”
— Kelly of Vampy Varnish

Dude, pants so magical that they’ll change your life and help you find the man (or woman) of yo’ dreams!? Seriously, what are you waiting for?

But enough about pants (even ones as good as these). Let’s talk toes. 🙂

Or rather socks. The kind of socks you might wear with workout pants (or with sweatpants on the couch while you eat Almond Roca and watch Scandal…not that I’d know anything about that).

Say “greetings!” to Thorlo’s $13 Thick Cushion Running Socks, otherwise known as THE SOCKS THAT WILL RUIN YOU FOR ALL OTHERS.

Socks?

Yes, socks. Socks don’t usually do a lot for me, but I love these so much that I feel obligated to spread the word, one pair at a time.

I’ve given them as gifts to every runner, walker, workout fiend and comfort enthusiast in my family because they’re hands down the most comfortable workout socks I’ve ever worn. Once I started running in them, I swore off working out in other socks. They’re like sock-based Chanel bags!

Thick — like really, really thick — and cushiony. They have thick, soft padding at the ball and heel, over and around the toes, and at the arch, providing extra cushioning to support your hard-working feet.

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I know it’s almost summer and all, but jackets and blazers are where it’s at, man. This was a recent revelation, by the way. For years and years, I pretty much ignored ’em, mostly because I thought, “Why bother when you’re just going to take them off as soon as you get inside? Get a cute shirt instead!”

My outlook changed when I realized that they’re one of the quickest ways to not look like a total schlub.

My new philosophy as it pertains to outerwear? I like. Pull on a plain top, like this black tank from Old Navy ($7.50!), a pair of jeans, and a cute jacket or blazer for a simple, fairly stylish look.

This getup here has been my office uniform lately, as Tabs insists upon a professional dress code (strictly enforced). 🙂

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Sometimes when I visit DSW absolutely nothing lights my fire, but today? Oh, boy, today… It was like purse-gasm and summer wedge nirvana up in there.

So many cute things! Heck, I even found a few pairs of flats I didn’t totally hate…

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