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Rosie loves Pride Month, just like Tabs did. Tabs wore his rainbow business tie to every important meeting, both to show his support for the LGBTQ community, and because he deeply believed in the positive power of rainbows.
Rosie has also always been a supporter of Pride, and this month she’s taking her support to the next level with her very first DIY rainbow rose collar. ?
Your friendly neighborhood beauty addict,
Karen
PART III
Well I’ll be… It was Linus. Tabs lifted the sterling silver lid from the serving tray. Yup, there it was, the missing caviar. About fifty thousand dollars worth.
Down below on the lawn, Detective Kinard was talking to Linus, who had his back to the large tree and to Tabs. Tabs started waving his arms above his head to get the detective’s attention. The detective glanced up at him, and Tabs emphatically pointed down at Linus, then held up the shiny silver lid from the serving tray to show the detective. It was him!
Below, the detective was making small talk with Linus to keep him preoccupied. They were discussing their favorite seasons of Project Runway.
“So,” Linus said, “on balance, I would have to say that season one, since it’s the season that started it all, would have to be my overall favorite.”
The detective nodded. “Makes sense.” He removed a pair of small handcuffs from his belt behind his back. “Linus,” the detective started, “you’re under arrest for grand larceny…”
“Mrow!” Linus giggled. Ha! He appeared to believe the detective was joking.
“Put your paws behind your back,” the detective continued.
Looking confused, Linus obliged. “Meow?” I’m…sorry? What’s this about?
Tabs backed his way down the tree awkwardly.
“You’re under arrest for stealing the caviar,” the detective said as knelt and put Linus’s tiny paws into the handcuffs.
“Meow?” asked Linus. What?
Tabs walked up beside Linus and the detective. “Mrow?” Tabs asked, hurt in his voice. Why, Linus? How could you?
“Meow?” Linus answered. How could I what? Mr. Tabs, what’s this about?
“Mow-row?” Tabs said. Just tell me why you did it?
Just then, a blue Toyota Camry rolled up onto the circle and pulled over by the lawn. Little Archibald slung his overly large Luis Vuitton backpack across his shoulder and held out the diamond-encrusted iPhone Tabs loaned him to call his mommy cat. “Mwow,” he squeaked. Um, thank you, sir, for letting me borrow your phone.
“Meow,” Tabs replied, taking the phone from Archibald’s tiny paw. You’re welcome, Archibald. I’m so sorry you had to witness this. Tabs put the bejeweled phone into the sleek, black quilted leather Channel fanny pack he was wearing and returned his attention to Linus.
Detective Kinard was escorting Linus away toward two nearby uniformed police officers. “Book him on a 487, grand theft,” the detective said. Linus was staring down at the ground in front of him as the officers guided him to a nearby police car.
“Mwow!” Archibald called back to Tabs as he opened the back passenger door of the blue Toyota. It was still a great party! He hopped in the backseat and closed the door. The Toyota slowly pulled away from the curb. Tabs saw a man behind the wheel.
“Meow-wow?” Tabs heard Linus say as the officers pushed him into the back of a patrol car. What is going on here? I didn’t do anything!
The blue Toyota with Archibald in it rounded the circle. Tabs noticed the man driving was wearing a very smart black shirt with purple stripes down the shoulders. It was quite fashionable. Tabs knew he had seen the design before but couldn’t place it.
The Toyota took the last turn before leaving the circle, and Tabs got a good look at the driver and his shirt. Being a world-renowned kitty supermodel and award-winning feline fashion designer, Tabs couldn’t resist anything related to good fashion. He just wished he could remember where he’d seen this design before.
As the car pulled away, Tabs noticed a sticker on the bumper. Fedex.
Fedex, Tabs pondered. Holy! The driver was wearing a Fedex shirt!
Tabs finally knew what it meant. He heard Linus crying in the backseat of the patrol car. I didn’t do anything! Why is this happening?
Just then, Tabs lept into action, sprinting at full speed to intercept the Toyota before it left the circle. “Meowwww!” he roared. It wasn’t Linus! It was Archibald!
Detective Kinard watched as Tabs jumped straight through the driver’s side open window of the Toyota, smashing into the driver. The car swerved sharply, coming to an abrupt stop as it struck the curb.
Inside the car, Tabs quickly subdued the driver with tabby jiujitsu until the detective and one of the uniformed police officers arrived. They pulled the driver and Archibald from the vehicle and promptly handcuffed both of them.
“Damnit!” the driver yelled. “I knew we’d never get away with it!”
“Meow!” barked Archibald. Shut up, you idiot! Don’t tell them anything!
Back over at the other police car, Tabs opened the back door and helped Linus out. “Meow…” he said. I’m sorry, Linus… “Mrow-ow.” This was a terrible mistake. You have my sincerest apologies. Tabs unlocked the handcuffs Linus was wearing with a set of keys he was holding.
“Mrow,” Linus replied, sounding relieved. It’s okay, sir. I’m just glad everything worked out.
“Meow-row-wow,” Tabs said, patting Linus on the head. You’re a real class act, buddy. With that silky fur and that positive cattitude, I have no doubt you’ll be an incredible kitty supermodel.
“Meow!” Linus said. Thank you! That means a lot coming from you, sir.
This was graduation week around the country, and Rosie was very excited about it because it reminded her of her graduation from MIT. She loved school, and that was a great time.
Your friendly neighborhood beauty addict,
Karen
PART II
An undersized Russian Blue kitten named Archibald, one of the newest kitty model interns at the company, took a few timid steps forward. “Meow…” he directed to Tabs in a little voice, Um… “Meow-wow?” Sir, does this mean the party’s over?
Tabs turned toward the much smaller kitten.
“Meow…” the tiny cat continued. It’s just that… “mrowwww.” I’m supposed to call my mommy cat to pick me up when the party’s over, and, um…I’m hungry.
Tabs furrowed his brow. This was a travesty. It was supposed to be a night of celebration and teambuilding for the next generation of great kitty supermodels at Tabs the Cat Industries, LLC. Instead, there was a thief in their midst, the caviar was missing, the ice sculptures were melting, and kittens were hungry.
Tabs handed Archibald his diamond-encrusted iPhone and told the kitten to dial his mommy cat for a ride home, then turned back to the detective.
“Meow!” Tabs barked at the detective. This is a travesty!
The detective nodded, then approached Tabs and guided him out of earshot of the other cats gathered around. “Do you know of anyone who would want to sabotage you, Tabs?” the detective whispered.
Sabotage? Tabs thought. Of course there were cats out there who wanted to sabotage him. He was a Cat Academy Award-winning actor, feline philanthropist, entrepreneur, and the most successful kitty supermodel in Northern California. You didn’t get where Tabs has gotten without making a few cat enemies.
“Meow,” Tabs said matter-of-factly. Of course.
“Anyone who was at the party?” the detective asked.
Tabs pondered the question, looking out across the crowd. They were mostly inexperienced kittens, hopeful tabbies, torbies and Persians. Tabs didn’t think any of them would stoop to thievery to…
He noticed Linus the kitten, the calico intern, emerging from behind the large redwood tree in the center of the circle. He was looking around nervously and dusting off his fur. Tabs glanced at the detective, who gave him a knowing look, and the two of them slowly walked toward Linus, taking flanking positions. Tabs slowly circled around behind Linus to get a look behind the tree.
There were scratches leading up the trunk to the lowest set of branches about 10 feet off the ground.
“Linus, is it?” the detective asked. Linus was visibly struggling to appear relaxed, but the detective noticed the kitten’s tail twitching.
“Meow?” Linus replied. Yes?
“We’re asking all the attendees at the party,” the detective continued. “where were you when the caviar tray disappeared?”
“Mrow…” Linus feigned looking confused. Oh…I was over there. He gestured toward the other end of the large lawn.
Back at the base of the tree, Tabs had positioned himself out of view of the others, including Linus and the detective, and quickly climbed the tree up to the lowest branches, hauling himself up. Right there in the nook of the tree was the silver caviar serving platter. Jackpot!
Your friendly neighborhood beauty addict,
Karen
© COPYRIGHT 2021
A police car sped onto the circle, coming to a screeching halt behind the five others that had gathered around the scene of the alleged crime on the circle. Tabs saw the markings on the side of the latest car to arrive. K-9 unit.
“Mrow!” he shouted at Detective Kinard. Get that car outta here! Tabs and the detective stood a few feet from each other next to the appetizer bar in the center of a paved patio in the community common area. “Meow!” No dogs allowed!
The detective nodded in acknowledgement and spoke into his radio, telling the driver of the K-9 unit to head back to the precinct immediately.
It was unlike Tabs to take such a hard stance against his canine brethren, but these were special circumstances. Tabs had decided to throw this year’s Memorial Day Neighborhood Feline Fete after reading a letter from one of his fans, an ambitious calico kitten junior model named Linus. Linus wrote the story of how he was a stray cat living off scraps on the pier in Tiburon, California behind a Mexican restaurant. He lived off leftover fajitas and the occasional mahi mahi filet, but he practiced his kitty modeling poses under the pier every night for two years until the day he got his first gig doing kitty catalog work for Petco.
Tabs was inspired by Linus’s story and gave him an internship as a junior level kitty supermodel for Tabs the Cat Industries, LLC. All of the cats at the party that night were up-and-coming kitty supermodels, and Tabs wanted to give them a taste of the good life, show them what they could achieve if they continued working their tail off to perfect their craft.
And he spared no expense. The party had a six-figure price tag. Fresh salmon flown in from the Kenai Peninsula, caviar from the Caspian, Argentinian catnip, mullet crackers from Manilla. It was turning out to be the best party of the year in the feline fashion world.
That is, until someone stole the caviar plate.
“Meow?” Tabs asked the detective as the K-9 unit pulled away. Do you have any leads?
Fifty thousand dollars worth of caviar had disappeared, and Tabs was livid about it.
Detective Kinard was a real hard ball. He was unshaved, unkempt, but sharp as a tack. Tabs knew him well, having gone on multiple ride-alongs with the detective as part of Tabs’s research for his role as Detective Taberelius in “The Departed 2.”
“I have a theory,” the detective mumbled. His voice was deep and gravely, barely more than a cough.
“Meow?” Tabs asked. I’m all ears.
“The appetizer table over there. It’s, what, three feet off the ground? Got that step stool over there?”
Tabs followed the detective’s gaze, studying the former location of the appetizer plate where the now missing caviar had been.
“How much would you say that step stool weighs? Twenty pounds? Thirty?”
“Mrow?” Tabs asked. Where are you going with this, detective? Tabs was getting impatient.
The detective nodded, getting to his point. “It’s just that the security footage we obtained from the camera on top of your neighbor’s garage shows that someone moved that step stool closer to the appetizer table right before the caviar disappeared.” He let his words linger for a moment before continuing. “That’s a heavy job for a little cat.”
I’ll be damned, Tabs thought. The detective was right. None of the cats at the party tonight were strong enough to move that step stool on their own. It had to be a two-cat job, or a human.
Sensing a big reveal was coming, half a dozen police officers and more than that many feline guests of the party gathered around the detective and listened. “Now,” the detective resumed, “as you know, the Petco delivery truck pulled up in front of your neighbor’s house at exactly 9:54 p.m., blocking our view of the common area from the camera after that.”
Tabs nodded, following along.
“The thing is…” the detective continued, “Petco closes at 9 on Friday.”
Boom.
Holy mother of pearl! Tabs’s eyes widened as it dawned on him.
The detective’s lips formed a thin smile. “The Petco driver was in on it.”
Your friendly neighborhood beauty addict,
Karen
© COPYRIGHT 2021
“I can’t believe you got me into this, Tabs!” said Bear. “I should have known you weren’t serious about–”
“Meow,” interrupted Tabs. Oh, I was serious.
Bear waited, eager to hear Tabs’s explanation.
“Mrow,” continued Tabs, taking a sip of his watermelon and mint mojito. I’m always serious about relaxation.
In Tabs’s estimation, the Fairmont Orchid on the Kohala Coast of Hawai‘i Island made the best watermelon and mint mojitos, and he was thoroughly enjoying this one now.
Before the trip, Tabs told all of his friends he was going on the ultimate outdoor experience with Bear Grylls. Unfortunately for Bear, Tabs left out a few details, like that by “outdoor” he meant “poolside,” and by “experience” he meant “vacation.”
“Good grief.” Bear rolled his eyes. “You said, ‘We’re gonna rough it. It’s gonna be so great.'”
“Meowww….” Tabs drew out the word. Well….
“Yes!” said Bear, “You tricked me.”
Tabs couldn’t completely disagree with him. Perhaps he didn’t outright lie to Bear, but he did leave out the location when describing the idea. Technically, the resort is mostly outside, so that wasn’t innaccurate, and the spa there could be considered an experience.
Tabs concluded that Bear deserved at least equal responsibility for jumping to the wrong conclusion.
“What?” said Bear. “How is this an outdoor experience? It’s a resort, Tabs! You said you wanted to be on my show, prove your mettle in the wild, show your resourcefulness to your fans.”
Tabs gave Bear a look as if to say, They are comping our stay. Isn’t that resourceful?
Bear huffed and rolled his eyes again, his hands on his hips. “That’s a stretch.”
“Meow?” said Tabs. I mean, we came all the way out here. He leaned back languorously on the warm tiles, exposing his fluffy belly meat to the tropical sun. “Mrow.” Relax. Enjoy yourself.
Tabs certainly was.
— THE END —
Your friendly neighborhood beauty addict,
Karen
© COPYRIGHT 2021
To be blunt, Tabs was dog tired. His fur was uncharacteristically dull, his eyes slightly less glistening than usual, and the gravy on the flight was — less than inspired. Tabs planned to read his assistant the riot act for not arranging a better in-flight meal.
A bellman held the door open as Tabs strolled through into the lavish hotel lobby. Tabs silently noted that the bellman’s dress shirt was wrinkled and partially untucked. Hrmpf, he thought.
Without slowing, Tabs scanned the lobby as he entered the center of the large room and made eye contact with the one front desk associate behind the desk. Tabs veered on an intercept course.
“Hello, Mr. Tabs!” the man called enthusiastically. Tabs thought he saw the man’s eye twitch. “We weren’t expecting you, uh, to arrive so late.”
Tabs was immediately suspicious. His flight from Milan was delayed, so he didn’t land in San Francisco until almost midnight. By the time the limo dropped him off at the Fairmont Sonoma Mission Inn & Spa, it was 1:30.
“Yes, uh, sir,” the man at the front desk continued. Tabs narrowed his gaze. “I…we…it’s just that…we thought you weren’t going to make it tonight, so we, uh…”
Tabs felt his pulse quicken, and his whiskers tensed. Oh, don’t you even, he thought. A single word escaped from his lips. “Meow,” he said, letting the seriousness of his tone linger in the large empty room.
The front desk man visibly cowered. “Yes, sir, I understand, sir. Right away, sir, we will figure this out.”
The man picked up a telephone handset from the desk in front of him and emphatically pressed some buttons. “Yes, this is Michel at the front desk. Please ready the Chartreux Suite immediately. Mr. Tabs has arrived.”
There was a pause as the front desk man listened to someone on the other end of the line.
“I don’t care what you have to do,” the man turned his head to the side and forcefully whispered, “get the room ready now!”
Tabs sighed. His assistant, a woman with long black hair and black-framed glasses, stood behind him with a bellman’s cart, upon which sat a set of six large Luis Vuitton luggage bags. The woman looked down at Tabs, who met her eyes, and returned a gaze that said, “What!? Not my fault. Don’t look at me like that.”
Tabs looked away and growled under his breath. Good help is so hard to find.
“Sir?” the man at the front desk interrupted, calling toward Tabs. Tabs directed his attention toward the man. “Yes, your room is ready now, sir. I apologize on behalf of the Fairmont family of hotels. I’m not sure how this happened. It was a tragic mistake on someone’s part, but I assure you…it wasn’t mine. I would never…”
Tabs groaned, uninterested in the man’s excuses, and looked away.
“Here are your room keys,” the front desk man said and gestured toward a bank of elevators. Tabs’s assistant stepped forward and took the envelope containing the keys. “I’m sure you’ll find the room to your liking,” the front desk man said, smiling nervously.
“He better,” Tabs’s assistant said, echoing Tabs’s thoughts, as the two of them headed away toward the elevators. “He better.”
— THE END —
Your friendly neighborhood beauty addict,
Karen
Happy Mother’s Day! ? Thank you to all the pet moms, people moms, caregivers and mother figures who play an important role in someone else’s life. You don’t always get recognized for how much you do, but you make the world a better place for us all.
Flashback to 2016… This was 20 pounds of tabby love right there, and I was just about ready to pop.
Rosie greatly enjoys cuddles, FYI.
Today on her walk she decided to wear her rainbow collar with the red heart charm.
After ensuring that Harris, the neighborhood cat ragamuffin, wasn’t around, Rosie sat and relaxed on the lawn for a long time, just listening to the sounds of the circle waking up. People starting their lawnmowers, the wild turkeys gobbling and distant church bells ringing.
I hope you have a wonderful day. ❤️
Your friendly neighborhood beauty addict,
Karen
Here’s a great kitty flying like a cat pegasus, according to Connor Claire. That pegasus, of course, is Tabs, who loved the month of May. Here are some of his favorite kitty modeling campaigns of Mays gone by…
Rosie is also extremely happy that it’s already May because she can’t wait for summer. She thinks spring is aw-ite, but it’s really just a prelude for summer.
Something was really bugging her this morning when we first started going for her walk. She has a fantastic sense of smell — much better than Tabs had — and sometimes I think she catches a whiff of a nearby cat ruffian (possibly Harris, who also torments her, like he tormented Tabs), and then she mewls, growls and hisses nonstop. She did that for about 15 minutes today before she was able to finally unwind and relax.
Your friendly neighborhood beauty addict,
Karen