Tabs

Dear Tabby is written by Tabs the Cat, commonly regarded as “the world’s first plus-size kitty supermodel.” Founded in mid 2012, it has quickly become the most widely syndicated cat advice column on earth — known for its fresh, feline perspective on lifestyle, fashion and style issues affecting cats and humans.

A career cat dealing with retirement

DEAR TABBY: I’m finding it difficult adjusting to retirement. In my professional life, I worked at Purina as a gravy tester. I gave that company the best 11 years of my life, and it was a great gig. I felt important. Felt like I mattered.

Now, I have nothing but time on my paws, but I have no idea what to do with myself. Maybe I had unrealistic expectations, but everything I try to do — napping, chasing moths, even playing with grocery bags and cardboard — seems frivolous by comparison to the vital work I did at Purina.

Honestly, retirement hasn’t been all it’s cracked up to be. Now I’m wondering if I should perhaps go back to work, or if I should try harder to enjoy my golden years. What do you think, Tabby?

—Discontented in Denton

DEAR DISCONTENTED: I think it boils down to this: some cats are built for retirement, and some cats aren’t.

It’s funny you bring up retirement because I’ve been thinking about it lately. I mean, I’m not quite there yet, but I can’t lie. It would be nice to have the extra time. I could finally finish exploring the hill outside, inventory my toy collection, maybe even build that better mousetrap.

But I know myself. A life of pure leisure wouldn’t be enough for me, and it sounds like you’re the same way.

After you’ve done important work in your life, it’s hard to go back to being a stay-at-home cat. I think a lot of professionals are faced with that.

The truth is, if you don’t want to retire, don’t. You’re a cat. Exercise your independence.

With your experience, you could be a mentor to younger cats, and I say this somewhat selfishly, but I think the world needs your refined gravy palette.

Ambitious cat with branding question

DEAR TABBY: I hope this doesn’t come across as bragging, but my star has begun to rise in the kitty modeling world. Unfortunately, I’m currently faced with a conundrum. I was recently asked to do an infomercial for Fur-Active (“Does your fur look patchy and dull? Try new Fur-Active!”).

The problem is, I’m not sure if I should do it. I’m worried that it could cheapen my brand. What do you think, Tabby? I ask because of your experience as a kitty supermodel, business mogul and branding expert.

—Upwardly Mobile in Mobile

DEAR UPWARDLY MOBILE: You want my advice?

Take the job.

Take every job. Never stop working. Build a reputation as a hard-working feline professional. That’s how you’ll define your brand.

When I first started kitty modeling, I took every job, no matter how small. The only jobs I refused were ones I had ethical problems with (The Anti-Dog Coalition: Cats Against Canine Camaraderie).

Later, once you’ve fur-mly [sic] established yourself as a force to be reckoned with in the kitty modeling industry, you can be more picky.

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Dear Diary,

I could really use a bowl of stress relief tea right now. This promises to be a hectic fall. Busy, busy, busy. Being an international kitty supermodel, fall is typically a really intense time for me, and this fall will be no exception.

I have a lot on my plate over the next few weeks — the VMAs on the 24th, the Emmys on the 25th, Fashion Week next month, the US Open (paws crossed!).

I’m booked to cover the awards shows for E! News this year as their exclusive kitty correspondent, which is a brand new gig for me. Am I excited? Absolutely, but I’m also a little nervous, as I have yet to figure out what bow tie to wear (or if I should wear one at all?).

Fashion-wise, I’m usually a Chanel cat, through and through. Always have been. Karl and I have an excellent relationship, but with the issues I’ve been having with Choupette lately, I’m not sure…

Dolce & Gabbana called, so I may go with something from them, but this is all off the record, of course. I’m even nervous writing it here.

Let’s see, what else… Oh! Fashion Week is coming up, and I’m booked for a slew of shows. For sure, I’ll be walking for Marc Jacobs, Badgley Mischka, Diane Von Furstenberg and Rebecca Minkoff, but I’m not sure as to what my final show schedule will look like, purr usual. My assistant is in charge of all that, and she hasn’t yet programmed it into my iPhone.

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Dear Tabby is written by Tabs the Cat, commonly regarded as “the world’s first plus-size kitty supermodel.” Founded in mid 2012, it has quickly become the most widely syndicated cat advice column on earth — known for its fresh, feline perspective on lifestyle, fashion and style issues affecting cats and humans.

Pushed to the breaking point

DEAR TABBY: I can’t take it anymore, Tabby. My humans are pushing me too hard. They’re always trying to get me to kitty model for them and climb the cat tower and teasing me with toys, which they know I can’t resist. They even make me wear these humiliating outfits, which are almost always glittery and too tight. I feel like I’m ready to snap. I’m also lashing out at friends now, and I actually swatted at the neighbor’s kitten yesterday for pouncing on my tail.

Help! What should I do? Should I tell them the truth? That I just want to sit in a sunny corner all day long and play D&D (I love the dice)? I don’t want to hurt their feelings, but I need some time to myself.

—Stressed in Spokane

DEAR STRESSED: I know exactly how you feel. Humans can be incredibly annoying, but they can also be nice to have around. First, most of them have thumbs, which are essential to opening things like doors and cans of gravy. Second, they can be kind of soothing sometimes, and they’re also pretty easy to train.

In fact, I’ve trained mine to perform a number of tasks, including booking all of my public engagements, paying my iPhone bill, and administering my deep-tissue kitty massage.

I really think you should talk to your humans and let them know you’re stressed, but try to understand that they do what they do from a place of love. Definitely grumble when they pick you up, because they might eventually get the hint, but if not, try to catch up on sleep at night, which is when most humans temporarily shut down.

How much is too much love?

DEAR TABBY: I’m worried that I love my human too much, and I’m not sure what it says about me as a cat. I see other cats who treat their humans with apathy or outright disdain, but I just want to love mine. Is that wrong?

My human actually lives with me. She rents a room and works as my assistant (I work at home in performance art). She pets me every morning, prepares my food, cleans the bathroom, and then goes to her other job. And then when she returns home, she pets me again and we hang out.

I know this is weird because she’s just a human, but she’s also my best friend. Tabby, is it possible to love a human too much?

—Devoted in Daytona

DEAR DEVOTED: In a word, no, it is impossible to love a human too much, because they crave attention, but there’s also a flip side to this. The more friendly and loving you are, the more treats and massages you’re likely to get.

Many cats are unwilling to acknowledge this relationship because of our independent nature, but it’s true. I’ve seen it myself.

Try this sometime: when food is scarce, pay even more attention to your human, and see if you receive more treats or an extra serving of gravy. I think you will.

Contrary to what many cats believe, I don’t see a downside to loving humans, and I don’t think you can love them too much. Sure, it’s important to maintain professional work boundaries at the office, but that’s true of any family business.

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You know how it goes, kitties. Cats have busy lives. We don’t always have time to go full-on with our makeup, but that doesn’t mean we can’t still look polished.

Next time you’re running late for a meeting with your assistant or have a nap scheduled, try this quick five-minute makeup look. It’s fresh-faced, gorgeous and incredibly easy. Not to mention, it’s appropriate for all fur patterns and experience levels. -Tabs

TOOLS:

• Fur Brightening Lotion — I’m using a shade that matches my fur and has a little bit of sheen, but no glitter, since glitter can emphasize imperfections in the fur. I also opted for something with an easy-to-blend, creamy lotion texture.
• Makeup Blending Sponge — Smooth and blend the lotion with a soft makeup blending sponge to keep it from looking patchy, but don’t forget to dampen it first.

  I know, I know — water sucks! But dampening the sponge first will sheer down the product, ensuring that it looks as natural as possible.

• Black Kohl Pencil — Black kohl pencils are a must-have in any cat’s makeup bag. I like creamy pencils, because then I don’t have to tug at my lash and water lines. Plus, they’re easy to smudge.
• Angled Eyeliner Brush — An angled brush helps to soften and smooth the edges of your liner.
• Coral Cream Blush — When I’m in a rush, a coral cream blush is a must. I can blend it easily using just my paws, and it brightens my look without taking it over the top.

STEPS:

1. Start by applying the fur brightening lotion to your cheeks, forehead, nose and chin with your paws. Go in the natural direction of your fur, as opposed to going against the grain, to smooth the hairs and keep them all pointing in the right direction.
2. Gently press a damp makeup blending sponge into your fur to blend the fur brightener. For the most natural look, fade the coverage as you move out. You want the greatest concentration of product near the center of your face.
3. Emphasize your cat eyes by lining your lash and water lines with a black kohl pencil. Try to get as close to the roots of your fur as possible, in between the individual fur hairs.
4. Soften the edges with an angled eyeliner brush, and draw an eye-catching cat eye flick.
5. For an extra pop of color, blend a coral cream blush on your cheeks with your paws.

If you try this look, tag me on Instagram! #tabstutorials 🙂 I would love to see it on you!

(NOTE: I know you probably already know this, but please don’t put makeup on your kitty cat. This is just for amusement purposes. No real life cats wore any makeup for this tutorial.)

This post is sponsored by Purina Pro Plan #proplancatpartner. For information about my posting policy, please see my Disclaimer.

50,000 pounds of food for needy kitties? Done.

Bravo! Every time you shared a pic of your feline friend being her awesome self this summer and included the hashtag #MyGreatCat, Purina Pro Plan pledged to donate one pound of cat food — up to 50,000 pounds — to hundreds of cat rescue groups nationwide through the Purina Pro Plan Rally to Rescue network.

Well, the goal was met a few days ago. 🙂

Thanks to you, we've reached our goal & will be donating 50k lbs. of food to cat rescues nationwide! #MyGreatCat pic.twitter.com/vMzSf2Oacj

— Pro Plan Cat (@ProPlanCat) July 30, 2014

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This post is sponsored by Purina Pro Plan #proplancatpartner. For information about my posting policy, please see my Disclaimer.

When you hear the words, “international kitty supermodel,” who comes to mind?

Exactly. Tabs.

And for good reason, too. As the face of more than 650 kitty modeling campaigns since the mid 2000s, Tabs has been a dominant force in the kitty modeling business and a role model for millions of ambitious, good-looking cats.

Now, back from graduation with a kitty business degree under his belt, it’s time for his next big endeavor.

Cat Scratch Claw Polish — the largest product rollout of his career. Introducing a new line of feline friendly claw polishes in an assortment of professionally inspired shades.

Enjoy. 🙂

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