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tabs

Sundays With Tabs the Cat, Makeup and Beauty Blog Mascot, Vol. 225

January 6th, 2013 by Karen 13 Comments

Tabs for MAC Beauty Gloves

A RELAXING TIME: PART 3
by Tabs the Cat

Tabs hissed and growled at the thing on the other side of the door, throwing decorum out the window. Sure, it was rude and not very neighborly of him, but he and dogs had never gotten along very well. He thought they were always so…pushy, and clumsy.

That was the thing about dogs, he thought. They had no respect for personal space.

Tabs could hear it sniffing loudly outside, conducting reconnaisance. Tabs knew about their keen sense of smell, and knew that this one probably already knew that Tabs was alone in the shed, terrified, a little on the plump side and wearing Coco Mademoiselle.

“Meeeeooowww,” he groaned, using his office voice. Who the hell is that? “Mrow!” Go away, or I’m calling the police!

No answer, and the sniffing sound stopped. Seconds passed, and Tabs wondered if his threat had worked to scare away the dog.

He got to thinking that he should look for an escape route in case the dog had a key to the door. It seemed unlikely, but Tabs wasn’t sure. The dog was probably a local, after all, and probably knew this area. Maybe it had even watched Tabs arrive.

The thought terrified Tabs, and his tiny heart started pounding. Frantically, he looked around the room again, his fearful eyes barely taking the time to focus.

There was the solitary window, which was shut, and quite small, and at least five feet off the frozen floor. The walls were vertical wooden slats, the ceiling corrugated sheet metal, and the ground was a solid slab of ice, except for the small fishing hole cut in the center.

He looked at the hole for a moment, listening to the lake water jostling within it, then to the now silent generator and rapidly cooling electric heater, his two bags beside the heavy wooden chair by the hole in the ice, a tall stack of wooden crates that he presumed were empty, and then at the workbench pushed up against one of the walls.

Nothing. No ways in or out, except for the door.

He trained his night vision on the door again and focussed his ears like parabolic radar dishes, scanning for the slightest sound…

And then the world exploded. There was a terrible crash against the door, coupled with ceaseless, thunderous barking. The noise caused Tabs to jump three feet in the air, and he landed awkwardly.

The crashing continued, over and over, and the door shuddered. The whole shack shook violently, and the metal roof clanged and buckled. Tabs cowered on the ice, shrinking against the floor, as his wild, wide eyes darted to and fro.

Tabs had never heard barking like that before. It was liquid, visceral fury. No, this wasn’t a dog, Tabs realized. This was a monster.

When the creature struck the door again, the door swung open.

Everything went completely silent as time stopped. What Tabs saw standing before him in the doorway was — at that moment he recognized it and remembered seeing one when he worked as an extra on HBO’s True Blood. The monster was a werewolf, and right then it leapt.

Instinctively, Tabs rolled to his left, sliding on the ice as the creature’s jaws snapped inches from his head. Momentum carried the large beast forward, and it careened into the wooden crates, unable to stop on the ice.

The crates tumbled down, shattering, and appeared to bury the creature beneath them, but Tabs didn’t hesitate. As soon as he regained his footing, he raced toward the open door, snapping up his Chanel overnight bag on the way, and sped out onto the dark, frozen lake.

— TO BE CONTINUED —

If you enjoyed this little tale and would like to see Tabs continue the story, let him know in the comments. 🙂 And now, here are some pics from Tabs’ ever-growing kitty modeling portfolio.

Tabs for Dior California Winter Sunglasses

Tabs for the Oscar de la Renta Wide Slimming Cat Belt
[Continue reading…]

There are 13 comments on this post. Leave yours.

Categories: Just For Fun, Tabs Keywords: tabs

Sundays With Tabs the Cat, Makeup and Beauty Blog Mascot, Vol. 224

December 30th, 2012 by Karen 13 Comments

Tabs for Covercat Cheekers Blush

A RELAXING TIME: PART 2
by Tabs the Cat

Tabs sat motionless in the shed, letting his eyes adjust to the darkness as the ringing in his ears from the once noisy generator subsided.

Soon, thanks to the sparse moonlight coming in through the one tiny window in the room, he could clearly make out shapes — the chair, his Louis Vuitton luggage and Chanel overnight bag, the generator, electric heater, the hole in the ice and the small wooden workman’s desk — and then details, like the lovely Chanel double C logo, the elegant Louis Vuitton pattern and a familiar-looking tool on top of the desk…

Can opener, he thought. That’s what his assistant called them. He never figured out how to make it work, but he knew that it could produce gravy. His assistant did it all the time.

Knowing it was here, he felt a tinge of relief. Maybe he could figure out how to use it if he had to. If his assistant could use it, it couldn’t be that hard.

Carefully, he walked over to the edge of the hole in the ice and peered down. Water gently lapped against the sides, but its depths were impenetrable, even to his efficient kitty eyes.

“Meow!” he called. Siri! Then he made his way around to the other side of the hole and tried again, louder this time. “Meow!!” Siri!!

No answer… Was she ignoring him, or somehow unable to reply?

“Mrf!” he huffed. Probably the former. These days, it’s just so hard to find good help.

It occurred to Tabs that he wouldn’t be in this situation had his assistant back at the office done her job. She was in charge of travel arrangements, after all, so this was entirely her fault.

“Mmrrrwww…” he grumbled. He was going to give her an earful when he got —

Tabs whipped around and focussed his senses intensely on the door. He heard something outside, something shuffling on the ice. His ears rotated on his head like tiny radar dishes trying to triangulate the source of the sound.

There! He heard it again. Something skilled in the art of espionage. It was close. Right behind the door, and it was big. Tabs could tell. Much bigger than a cat.

Then, the smell. Instinctively, Tabs arched his back to appear larger, triggered his claws and hissed loudly at the door.

Dog!

— TO BE CONTINUED —

If you enjoyed this little tale and would like to see Tabs continue the story, let him know in the comments. 🙂 And now, here are some pics from Tabs’ ever-growing kitty modeling portfolio.

Tabs for Elizabeth Arden Pikake Purr Perfume

Tabs for ELF Duo Eyeshadow Cream in Archer
[Continue reading…]

There are 13 comments on this post. Leave yours.

Categories: Just For Fun, Tabs Keywords: tabs

Sundays With Tabs, the Archives: From Anastasia to Zoya

December 27th, 2012 by Karen 17 Comments

Sundays With Tabs, the Archives

The archives. As I’m sure you’re aware, our benefactor here on Makeup and Beauty Blog is world-renowned kitty supermodel/entrepreneur Tabs the Cat, star of stage, screen and printed glossy magazines, and the CFO (Chief Feline Officer) of Tabs the Cat Industries, LLC, a Feline Fortune 500 company.

Over the course of his prolific career, Tabs has worked on hundreds (more than 540!) kitty modeling campaigns for fashion and beauty brands both big and small, and here they are, all of them in a single, GIGANTIC post! 🙂

In alphabetical order, starting with Anastasia…

ANASTASIA

ANASTASIA

APPLE

APPLE

APPLE

AQUOLINA

AVEDA

[Continue reading…]

There are 17 comments on this post. Leave yours.

Categories: Just For Fun, Tabs Keywords: tabs

Sundays With Tabs the Cat, Makeup and Beauty Blog Mascot, Vol. 223

December 23rd, 2012 by Karen 19 Comments

Tabs for the Neutrogena Fish Oil Fur Enhancer

A RELAXING TIME
by Tabs the Cat

Tabs could not believe how loud the generator was. The sound reverberated off the walls of his tiny shelter, and probably also off the frigid floor, which except for the one hole cut in the middle of the room, was a 12-inch-thick slab of solid ice.

When his friend, Felix, told Tabs about this place, told him about how ice fishing up here in the Northern Territories was the most relaxing thing he’d ever done, Felix neglected to mention the generator.

Figures…

Tabs shivered, despite his heavy wool coat, thick fur and thermal kitty underwear, and watched his breath puff in the frosty air.

The one electric bulb hanging from the ceiling briefly dimmed as the generator momentarily sputtered.

Wouldn’t that be perfect, Tabs thought, if the generator conked out and stranded him out here on a frozen lake?

The generator resumed its steady, rhythmic roar, which sounded to Tabs like the loudest lawn mower he’d ever heard.

He wondered what he would do if it stalled. The darkness wouldn’t be a problem for him because he was able to see in the dark, but the cold… How cold would it get in the little shack without the heater? Probably very cold…

He had no transportation, either, thanks to Felix, who talked Tabs into hiring a local bush pilot to make the trip here. Until the pilot returned on the day after Christmas, Tabs was on his own.

With a jolt, he suddenly remembered having his iPhone and pulled it from a pocket inside his coat, thinking that if something happened to the generator, he could call his assistant for help.

He slid his paw across the phone’s screen, and the device sprung to life, displaying more than a dozen illuminated app icons. Instinctively, his eyes went to the upper lefthand corner.

“Meow!” he cursed. No bars. He wouldn’t be able to make a call.

He held up the phone and waved it around in the air, looking for a signal. Nothing until, wait! — he saw one bar for a second. Maybe he could get a stronger signal over there, he thought, looking at the one tiny window in the room.

He hopped down from the chair, a sturdy, old thing made of heavy wood, set the iPhone down on the ice, and wrapped the end of his fishing line around a leg of the chair five times.

That should hold it, he thought, and then the generator stopped.

When he turned to face it, the bottom of his coat brushed the iPhone, which slid directly into the hole in the ice.

Plop, was the sound it made when it splashed into the water.

Uh, oh, Tabs thought, as the now quiet room went dark…

— TO BE CONTINUED —

If you enjoyed this little tale and would like to see Tabs continue the story, let him know in the comments. 🙂 And now, here are some pics from Tabs’ every-growing kitty modeling portfolio.

Tabs for the Estee Lauder Pretty Catty Collection

Tabs for the Chanel Bluetooth Kitty Headset
[Continue reading…]

There are 19 comments on this post. Leave yours.

Categories: Just For Fun, Tabs Keywords: tabs

Sundays With Tabs the Cat, Makeup and Beauty Blog Mascot, Vol. 221

December 9th, 2012 by Karen 8 Comments

Tabs for MAC How the Cat Stole Christmas

I remember working at jobs where things would slow down this time of year.

Slowly but surely, the office would empty as people, one by one, went home for the holidays. Meetings would get cancelled, people would spend half the day shopping at their desks for presents online, and everyone just sort of pushed off as much as possible until the new year.

Ah, the good old days…

That’s not at all how it is working for Tabs. Here at Tabs the Cat Industries, LLC, this is our busiest time of year.

Awards shows, TV holiday specials, star-studded celebrity gala events and advertising campaigns for limited edition holiday releases — right now we’re a 24/7 operation. I don’t even get a weekend off until next year.

Like today, Tabs had me out shopping for linens and place settings for his big annual holiday shindig.

It’s this huge party he throws every year for everyone who’s anyone in the kitty modeling business. Hundreds of cats fly in from all over the world. There’s a hosted gravy bar, catnip cocktails, a huge seawater aquarium stocked with ahi, a play area outside. Jackson Galaxy, star of Animal Planet’s My Cat From Hell, is on hand to give free consultations and complimentary cat massages.

It’s total cat heaven. Problem is, it’s my responsibility to set everything up. While Tabs is off on some exotic location somewhere shooting his kitty modeling ads, I’m trying to figure out how many ahi a 100,000-gallon fish tank can support.

I don’t know…10,000?

But really, it’s not all bad. I get to see and do some really neat things. I’m busy, and it’s stressful, but right now in my life I can’t imagine doing anything else.

Oh! — I almost forgot. Here are the latest kitty modeling pics from Tabs. 🙂

Tabs for the Illamasqua Cat Invasion Collection

Tabs for the OCC Wheel of Feline Fortune Collection
[Continue reading…]

There are 8 comments on this post. Leave yours.

Categories: Just For Fun, Tabs Keywords: tabs

Sundays With Tabs the Cat, Makeup and Beauty Blog Mascot, Vol. 220

December 2nd, 2012 by Karen 7 Comments

Tabs for Sephora Cat Musk in Cardboard Box

Earlier this afternoon I spent some time in the kitchen prepping a few meals for this week. I was making quite a bit of racket, too, between the pans clanging on the stove, chopping veggies on the cutting board, running the food processor and opening and closing the refrigerator, and I guess Tabs must have tuned me out for a while, because at one point I stopped what I was doing and realized that I hadn’t seen him in a couple hours, so I stepped into the living room for a second and looked around…

Tabs was sitting on this dark wood entertainment center thingy we use as a table for our car keys and the mail, and I guess he didn’t notice me walk in because he didn’t stop what he was doing. He was hunched over a messy pile of magazines and envelopes and was pushing them one by one on the floor.

“Uh…” I said from the doorway, breaking his concentration. Startled, he looked at me for a quick second before hopping down and slinking away. “What’s goin’ on here?”

It’s so funny how Tabs will look guilty about certain things, like climbing up on that table, even though I’ve never scolded him about it. How did he even know there was something to feel guilty about, and when I walked in on him, why didn’t he just look up at me like, “What’s up, woman? You seen my toy?”

Maybe Tabs was just up there looking for his kitty modeling portfolio. He added new pics to it today from his latest modeling jobs… 🙂

Tabs for Dolce & Gabbana Cat Watches

Tabs for Laura Mercier Holiday Flawless Face Foundation
[Continue reading…]

There are 7 comments on this post. Leave yours.

Categories: Just For Fun, Tabs Keywords: tabs

Sundays With Tabs the Cat, Makeup and Beauty Blog Mascot, Vol. 219

November 25th, 2012 by Karen 5 Comments

Tabs for the NARS French Quarter Cat Quartet

SUNDAY, NOV. 25, 2012 — Today outside

My taller assistant accompanied me on my tour of the grounds this afternoon. I believe the girl refers to him as “El Hub.”

Nice enough fellow, I suppose. Not very talkative though. Our whole time outside, I think he only said two words to me: “Come here,” which he barked repeatedly (how rude!).

I’ve heard the phrase before, but I’m not sure what it means. I assume it’s some sort of compliment…

The tour was uneventful. No cat intruders or dog sightings, and I didn’t see any of those gigantic flightless birds that always yell, “gobble, gobble!” Odd, because I saw quite a few of them before Thursday of last week…

I got hungry while we were patrolling the periphery of the estate, but I didn’t want to break for lunch, so I just had a salad of grass saplings along the way.

This year’s crop has been exquisite; I can’t remember the last year they were this crisp and sweet.

I looked for that tiny tabby who lives on one of the neighboring estates but didn’t see her. I wanted to ask her if she has a kitty modeling agent, because she has great bone structure.

Oh, well. Next time… That reminds me, I should bring some business cards on my walks.

When I got back to the office, I made a few calls and updated my portfolio with pictures from my latest modeling jobs.

Would you care to take a look?

Silly me. Of course you would.

-Tabs

Tabs for the Urban Decay Going Wild Palette

Tabs for Maybelline Enorme Lash Mascara
[Continue reading…]

There are 5 comments on this post. Leave yours.

Categories: Just For Fun, Tabs Keywords: tabs

Sundays With Tabs the Cat, Makeup and Beauty Blog Mascot, Vol. 218

November 18th, 2012 by Karen 16 Comments

Sundays with Tabs the Cat: Makeup and Beauty Blog Mascot

Dear Tabby is written by Tabs the Cat, commonly regarded as “the world’s first plus-size kitty supermodel.” Founded in mid 2012, it has quickly become the most widely syndicated cat advice column on earth — known for its fresh, feline perspective on lifestyle, fashion and style issues affecting cats and humans.

A plant sitter’s dilema

Ashamed plant sitter
DEAR TABBY,

A feline friend of mine recently left on a month-long vacation and put me in charge of her favorite catnip plant. The other day, in a moment of weakness, I ate it…

The entire plant, leaving nothing but stems.

And my friend had left detailed instructions on the plant’s proper care. Nowhere on her list did it say, “Eat plant.”

What should I do?? Should I come clean and admit my crime, even though it’s too late to save the plant, or secretly have my assistant bring home a replacement from the gardening store?
— Not So Green Thumb

A cat-friendly deck garden
Fiber is your friend

DEAR NOT SO GREEN THUMB:

Believe it or not, yours is a very common problem, and I’ve been on both sides of the situation.

On a vacation last year I left my cherished catnip plant, which I use strictly for medicinal purposes, under the care of the Russian Blue next door.

Upon my return, all I found was an empty pot lying on its side.

Robbers? I thought, but then the Russian Blue confessed. He admitted to eating it, which angered me at first, but then he offered to purchase me a new one.

I accepted his offer and appreciated his honestly. After all, we all make mistakes. I’ve certainly made a few of mine…

So, yes, I think you should come clean. Apologize, and offer to buy her a new plant. Maybe also include a few cans of gravy to make peace.

Truthfully, even if you tried to replace the plant without your friend knowing, chances are she’d figure it out. It’s not easy to find thriving, mature catnip plants at local gardening stores (trust me, I’ve looked).

New roommate rocks one cat’s world

Kitty roommate troubles
DEAR TABBY,

My landlord/assistant (don’t ask) recently invited a new kitty roommate into our home, and let me be frank — I hate him.

He hogs the bed, the bathroom, steals my toys and even sleeps in MY stinky sock drawer. Oh, and he likes to nap in the same sunny patches that I like to nap in on the floor.

On top of all that…he’s always trying to be cute, so I feel like I have to be in “performance mode” all day long, constantly flashing my tum and looking adorable.

It’s exhausting!

What should I do? I’m tempted to just run away, but I still have a pretty sweet thing going here. There’s a steady supply of gravy, daily walks, and my pet assistant is also a licensed massage therapist.
— Roommate Troubles in Rohnert Park

Tabs and Marmalade spooning
Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer

DEAR ROOMMATE TROUBLES:

You know the old saying, “Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer”? Truer words were never spoken. I believe every cat should have that phrase crossed-stitched on a pillow.

In your case, I think you should make the next move. Do something nice for the intruder, like offer to groom him or spoon the next time you’re both napping.

Build up some trust, because not only will it bring you peace of mind, it’s also a good way to carefully monitor the new cat’s activities.

And who knows? Maybe one day the two of you will become real friends.
[Continue reading…]

There are 16 comments on this post. Leave yours.

Categories: Just For Fun, Tabs Keywords: dear-tabby, tabs

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Welcome to Makeup and Beauty Blog! My name is Karen, and I’m a freelance writer obsessed with makeup.

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