Makeup

It’s funny, but for a slacker, MILG is actually pretty demanding.

MILG — My Inner Lazy Girl — hasn’t been sleeping well lately, and so she has me coveting cream eyeshadows like Golem covets the One Ring in LOTR!

And the lack of shuteye only serves to make MILG more demanding… Most mornings, I find it easier to just give in than fight, so when she tells me to pat shimmery golden bronze Apparence, a new $36 limited edition Illusion D’Ombre Long Wear Luminous Eyeshadow shade from Chanel’s upcoming holiday collection, on my lids with a finger and then buff out the edges with a MAC 217, I do a Kanye shrug and go with the flow.

Sometimes, I will fight for MILG to let me add some black liner on my water lines, because I love how it contrasts with the golden bronze (I’m wearing it in these pics).

Any which way I wear it, Apparence always lights up my lids. It’s no substitute for eight hours of sleep, but it’s sure better than nothing.

Hey, buddy! Another beautiful fall morning here in the Bay Area. I went to take the trash out this morning, and when I exhaled I actually saw my breath in the air. It’s only a matter of time before it gets really cold again (well, cold for this part of California, which I know is not really that cold compared to other parts of the country, but we’re weather wusses here).

Hopefully the new Chanel Harmonie Du Soir quad will keep me warm… Not so much physically warm, but its four colors (taupe, gold, pink and plum) have been firing me up. Lately they’re all I’ve been wanting to wear.

Harmonie’s formal name reads like a champion race horse: “Regard Signe De Chanel Quadra Eye Shadow in Harmonie Du Soir,” and at $65, it’s priced like a thoroughbred, too.

There’s really no way around the fact that this is one expensive piece of makeup, but as hard core Chanel-o-philes already know, the price premium is nothing new from the line. This palette does include a special quilted design on the pan, though, which makes it seem a little more exclusive.

Oh, and it would make such a wonderful gift! Imagine opening it up on Christmas morning… [SWOON!] I’d need a fainting couch.

KAREN: “Ya know, Tabs, I don’t see why you’re so cranky. I mean, you were the one who orchestrated this whole thing. You said, ‘I want a photo shoot!’ and I said, ‘Fine, you’re the boss.’ And — let me just pull up the text you sent on my phone here — it says, ‘Model some of the new Blue Illusion de Chanel collection eye makeup for me, and make it snappy! I don’t have all day.'”

TABS: “I don’t think I appreciate your attitude. I bet Naomi’s assistant doesn’t give her grief like this.”

KAREN: “Right, that’s because she’s too busy ducking all the phones being thrown at her…”

TABS: “Oh, very funny. You’re just lucky I hurt my paw playing football, otherwise I’d show you what a phone feels like.”

KAREN: “Listen, Tabs, this thing between us right now, this tension, it has to stop. You have a job to do, but so do I, and I need you to respect that. We both know that you’re the talent here, but I’m important, too, Tabs. I’m not your scratching post or your crinkly toy.”

TABS: “I know that! You don’t think I know that? You’re my assistant, so why don’t you do some assisting for a change and make me some gravy?”

KAREN: “Make it yourself. I’m on hiatus until you tell me what’s wrong.”

TABS: “I told you…I don’t want to talk about it.”

KAREN: “Well that’s too bad. Look — I’m just gonna come out and say it. Does this have something to do with Choupette?”

TABS: “I’m sorry but I don’t know anyone by that name…”

KAREN: “Choupette? Choupette Lagerfeld? I know you know who I’m talking about.”

TABS: “Okay, maybe.”

KAREN: “Tabs, just because Choupette prances around all day in her Chanel cat castle with Karl doesn’t mean you should feel threatened. Everyone who’s anyone in the kitty modeling industry knows that you’re the cat’s meow.”

TABS: “Really…? You’re not just saying that?”

KAREN: “Absolutely! I mean, sure, Choupette is cute. I’ll give her that, but she can’t command a room like you do. She doesn’t have the girth or the attitude, and I bet you even know more about Chanel than she does.”

TABS: “True. She wouldn’t know Riva from Jeans or Aurora.”

KAREN: “Exactly. So you see what I’m saying? You’re in a completely different league, Tabs. You have nothing to worry about. Now, if you’re feeling better, can I give you my report on the Blue Illusion pieces you asked me about?”

TABS: “Sure. You’re right. Let’s do that.”

KAREN: “Great. Well, the two $36 potted cream shadows, Illusion D’Ombres in Apparition and Destination, have a metallic, high-shine finish and blend beautifully on my lids. Unfortunately, if I don’t set them with a powder shadow on top, they also crease a ton within one or two hours.”

TABS: “Go on…”

KAREN: “The $29 Le Crayon Yeux Precision Eye Definer in Blue Aerien? — just okay. I think it’s super pretty on the lash line, especially on brown eyes, but it leaps off my water lines like a frog off a lilly pad. Plus, it feels a little hard… I wanted it to glide.”