Tabs

Tabs was fired up earlier when I took him outside for his walk. Man! — it was windy out there, and the hill was alive…with the sound of high winds. Haha!

I guess the gusts overloaded his tiny tabby brain, too. Branches were blowing, blades of grass were swaying, leaves were rolling along like tumbleweeds. Tabs’ little kitty retinas were focussing in rapid fire like tabby terminator robo-eyes, but his brain just couldn’t keep up.

At one point he just took off like a shot up an oak tree until he reached the end of his leash, then hopped down and spun around in two circles chasing his tail.

LOL! It’s the wind… He gets like this whenever it’s really windy outside.

I guess he didn’t get all of his wiggles out of his system this week. I can’t blame him… His kitty modeling schedule was a little lighter than usual (no international travel).

Here are the highlights, as a matter of fact. Tabs had modeling gigs for Chanel, Tom Ford, a new fragrance line and palette, and an upcoming book. 🙂

Who is Tabs the Cat? About five years ago I befriended a stray, flea-bitten tabby cat with a bad case of worms. I could see he’d fallen on hard times, but his profound knowledge of high fashion and department store cosmetics led me to believe that he was more than meets the eye. We became fast friends, and now he’s actually my boss (and a successful kitty model).

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Who is Tabs the Cat? About five years ago I befriended a stray, flea-bitten tabby cat with a bad case of worms. I could see he’d fallen on hard times, but his profound knowledge of high fashion and department store cosmetics led me to believe that he was more than meets the eye. We became fast friends, and now he’s actually my boss (and a successful kitty model).

What do you mean, “You want 40% of the gravy up front!?” That’s highway robbery!

I hired Tabs to help me with a small project today (I needed a kitty supermodel), and because it’s a holiday, he demanded triple his regular wage, all paid in gravy, of course, and wanted 40% up front.

Can you believe that? Forty percent? Divas…

In other news, hoppy Easter! 🙂

What are ya up to today? Having fun, I hope. I’m just about ready to head out to visit my family in the East Bay with El Hub for brunch, and you know how much I love brunch, so I’m totally stoked.

In keeping with the season, Tabs had a couple of Easter-themed kitty modeling jobs this week (he says “meow,” by the way). Have a great day.

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Who is Tabs the Cat? About five years ago I befriended a stray, flea-bitten tabby cat with a bad case of worms. I could see he’d fallen on hard times, but his profound knowledge of high fashion and department store cosmetics led me to believe that he was more than meets the eye. We became fast friends, and now he’s actually my boss (and a successful kitty model).

Ever seen a cat ride a mountain bike?

Yeah, it’s funny. 🙂 I cracked up watching Tabs ride away on mine a little while ago. His short little legs were stretching to reach those pedals, let me tell you, and he looked so cute with my big blue helmet on and the little white strap under his chin.

When I wouldn’t agree to drive him to the hardware store today, he pumped up the tires on my bike all by himself, dragged the bike outside and left.

He had to lean the bike against a wall to keep it upright while he hopped up on a garbage can to reach the seat.

All this because he wants to buy a bird feeder… Yup, one of those hummingbird ones with the sweet syrup inside.

See, he got it into his head that he would hang the feeder from one of the rafters above the deck outside. That way he’d have something to do/watch while he’s outside sunning himself or tending to his catnip and zinnia garden.

Kind of like outdoor cat TV.

Anywho, I hope he’s alright. I worry about him out there with the traffic. He doesn’t have a lot of practice riding bikes, and I don’t even know if his cat license is up to date…

Oh, I know I shouldn’t worry. I’m sure he’ll be fine.

While he’s gone, would you like to see the latest pics from his kitty modeling portfolio? Here’s what Tabs has been up to this week…

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First, before we take a look at the latest kitty modeling jobs Tabs strutted his stuff on, the conclusion of our ongoing story/saga…

When the chopper passed the tree line and entered the area directly over the rangers’ station, it was like suddenly turning on a lightning storm in a hurricane. Before he could avert his eyes, Tabs was blinded by the helicopter’s spotlight and blasted off the roof by the downdraft.

He was toppling end over end in the air, with the world turned completely white through his wide, temporarily useless eyes. Tabs tried to right himself like only cats can but couldn’t see the ground to gauge his distance.

The impact knocked him unconscious.

When he awoke, Tabs was looking up at the stars. He was lying on his side on a bed of pine needles — the forest floor. He raised his head a few inches and looked around. “Mew,” he groaned. Guess I’m alive.

The forest was completely silent save a distant whump-whump-whumping sound…

“Mraw!” he cried. No! The helicopter! How long had he been out?

Trying to get up on all fours, he put weight on his right paw and felt a sharp pain. Dang!

The chopper didn’t sound like it was leaving yet. Tabs thought it sounded like it was searching the beach.

Were they looking for him? He thought they must be. His assistant would have dispatched help as soon as Tabs missed his first check-in time. He wondered how long ago that had been…

Despair, and pangs of guilt and shame, filled him as he thought about the gray cat and how it sacrificed itself to save Tabs. One cat, even a grizzled, tough old codger like that one, against two huge werewolves? It must have known it wouldn’t have a chance, and yet it didn’t hesitate…

Tabs scanned the area one last time, and then, sighing sadly, started hobbling off toward the beach and the sound of the helicopter.

Avoiding the dirt road, stayed inside the forest the entire time. It was slow going with his bad paw, navigating over branches and logs, but Tabs figured he was making pretty good time. He was terrified that the helicopter would give up the search, and that pushed him to limp faster.

Almost there now, the trees swayed. Tabs could see light shifting through the pines from the chopper’s spotlight and feel the draft. He hurried faster and wondered if the werewolves were here, somewhere, also searching for Tabs.

Tabs was just taking his first few steps on the rocky sand when the helicopter started to pull away…

“Meow!” he shouted after it. Wait! “MRRROW!!” I’M RIGHT HERE!!

He ran to the edge of the frozen lake, but it was no use. They were giving up the search here and heading toward the ice fishing shack where this whole adventure began.

“Mew.” Wait.

And then, the helicopter stopped.

It paused in the air over the ice near the edge of the frozen beach, training its powerful spotlight down on something.

Tabs limped as fast as he could, ignoring his cramping muscles. Was this his second chance?

But wait! — there was something moving on the ice in the center of the spotlight.

Oh, no! Had they found him?

There, in the center of the spotlight, waving both paws over its head, was the gray cat.

As Tabs approached, smiling from ear to ear, the helicopter landed a safe distance away. Out popped two familiar faces, the first belonging to Karl Lagerfeld, and the second to Choupette (his cat).

Figures, Tabs thought…

Tabs limped over to the gray cat. “Mrow…?” he asked, amazed to see his new friend still kicking. How…?

The gray cat only grinned. “Mrrrow?” Oh, that fight? “Mrow-wow-wow.” See, I introduced those two wolves to an old friend of mine.

“Mrrrow.” He’s a grizzly…so I don’t think those wolf boys will be bothering us anymore tonight.

To read our story from the beginning…

• A RELAXING TIME: PART 1
• A RELAXING TIME: PART 2
• A RELAXING TIME: PART 3
• A RELAXING TIME: PART 4
• A RELAXING TIME: PART 5
• A RELAXING TIME: PART 6
• A RELAXING TIME: PART 7
• A RELAXING TIME: PART 8

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The first of the werewolves came into view, a long-legged black one the color of the crows Tabs policed from his favorite window at home in Novato.

Slowly, Tabs crouched down low at the edge of the roof until his chin was resting on the rain gutter.

The werewolf was stalking, sniffing, its head close to the ground like a metal detector. It was in the driveway now exactly where Tabs and the gray cat had gone through. Tabs expected the wolf to pick up their scent.

It was a bright night with the full moon, and it occurred to Tabs that he was probably easy to spot where he was with the moonlight behind him, but he stayed frozen like an Egyptian statue, not daring to move a muscle.

The only thing he did do was slowly close his eyes until they were just barely open and breath steadily. Cats were good at things like this. Hiding in plain sight. But Tabs imagined that werewolves were also good at hunting.

The second one entered the driveway. This one Tabs recognized from the wooden shed back on the frozen lake, and it was huge! Bigger than the black one by half, with mottled brown and gray fur and thick, broad shoulders.

The black werewolf seemed to bow reverently and made a whining noise as the larger one approached.

Tabs couldn’t believe just how big the bigger werewolf was. Keeping perfectly still with his eyes open barely a fraction of an inch, Tabs compared the creature to the nearby pickup truck, and wagered they were almost the same size.

Or maybe that was just the terror talking…

Tabs remained motionless while the two werewolves inspected the area, following their snouts. As they exhaled, their hot breath was visible in the frigid air.

They circled the pickup truck in opposite directions, checking carefully behind the tires.

Whew! Tabs thought. Good thing I didn’t hide there.

The werewolves must have picked up the scent because they remained quiet and moved stealthily, and they were focussing a lot of attention in this area.

Minutes passed. It was so cold up there on the roof that Tabs started shivering. He desperately wanted to hop up and start moving to warm his bones, but there was no way he was about to do that.

He would just have to deal with the cold. It wouldn’t be the first time…

He thought back to all of those long, cold nights he spent fending for himself and battling for scraps on the mean streets of Mill Valley in his kitten hood. Those were some cold nights, too.

Feezing, and feeling somewhat secure that the wolves would not find him, and even if they did, would not be able to reach him on the roof, Tabs allowed his mind to wander.

He thought about his makeup collection, his coveted online kitty modeling portfolio, gravy, his favorite hill at home and his assistant…

She was actually pretty nice, he concluded, even when she got on his last nerve.

Somewhere off in the woods, a branch cracked. It wasn’t a natural sound. Tabs heard it, and the werewolves heard it, too. Both of them appeared in the driveway from wherever they’d been searching and looked in that direction, standing tall on all fours, with their heads erect and their ears perked.

“Mrrrrrrowww!” came a distant voice. Help me! Please help!

Tabs felt his heart drop. It was the gray cat.

To follow our story from the beginning…

• A RELAXING TIME: PART 1
• A RELAXING TIME: PART 2
• A RELAXING TIME: PART 3
• A RELAXING TIME: PART 4
• A RELAXING TIME: PART 5
• A RELAXING TIME: PART 6

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