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Tabs

Sundays With Tabs the Cat, Makeup and Beauty Blog Mascot, Vol. 230

February 10th, 2013 by Karen 9 Comments

Tabs for the MAC Canadian Kitty Collection

A RELAXING TIME: PART 6
by Tabs the Cat

They were at the mouth of the forest where a dirt road led deeper into the dark woods. The gray cat was fast and picked up the pace, pulling ahead of Tabs.

Tabs felt a twinge of panic as he tried to catch up alongside the gray cat but found that he couldn’t. Tabs was a few feet behind and running flat out like a startled rabbit.

Tall pines lined both sides of the road, blocking much of the moonlight from reaching the forest floor. It was dark and getting darker as they left the rocky beach further behind. Good thing Tabs had the night vision of a master mouser.

Barking. Coming from far behind them. Tabs wasn’t sure at first, but then he was. Like Rottweiler barking, low and full-throated, mixed with growls.

The wolves were talking, but Tabs couldn’t make out the words. Probably trading recipes for ways to prepare cat…whether roasted or grilled.

It pushed Tabs to run a little harder, which brought him up alongside the gray cat, who glanced over, then gestured up ahead with his snout.

“Meow!” We’re here!

The road turned to a circular dirt driveway. Up ahead, at the end of the loop, was a large wooden one-story building, about the size of a Sephora. A green truck was parked in front of what Tabs figured must be the main entrance.

“Mraw,” the gray cat said. It’s an old ranger’s station. They slowed to a trot, both of them panting, down low in stealth formation, and the gray cat guided them around the truck toward the left side of the building.

A boxy ground-level air conditioning unit, about three feet tall, sat flush against the wall. “Mrow?” the gray cat asked. See that plank up there?

Tabs did. It was a narrow wooden plank that rested at an angle from the top of the air conditioner up to a windowsill. The gray cat motioned toward it with his nose, directing Tabs to head that way. “Meow-ow.” You can get to the roof.

“Mrow?” Tabs asked, a little perplexed. Aren’t you coming?

“Mroh,” the gray cat answered, standing his ground. I’ll be right behind you.

Tabs thought about it for a second, wondering why the gray cat didn’t just lead the way.

“Meow!” the gray cat finally ordered, raising his gravely voice. Go on, get!

It jolted Tabs into action. There were some things his little kitty brain struggled with, like doors and can openers, but climbing was not one of them. In about half a second, or two beats of a terrified tabby’s heart, he processed the entire scene with mathematical precision, calculating the proper angle of approach to the plank, the appropriate speed-to-weight ratio and the amount of force he’d have to exert to leap from the windowsill up to the rain gutter, which led up to the roof.

In one fluid maneuver, he hopped up on the air conditioner, zipped up the plank to the windowsill, jumped to a crook where the rain gutter met the wall, and then carefully walked up along the gutter before pulling himself onto the roof.

Yes! He’d made it. It was a wooden roof, easy to walk on, with a shallow slant, and it was much brighter up here under the open sky than it was down in the forest.

Tabs peered over the edge at the gray cat, who looked relieved. Tabs was shocked that the gray cat was still standing on the ground. What was he waiting for? “Meow!” Tabs called down. Hurry!

The wolves would be upon them any moment now, and Tabs thought he even heard their footfalls on the dirt road.

The gray cat nodded once, leapt up on the air conditioner, and pushed the wooden plank off the unit with his paw. It tumbled and crashed to the ground.

“Mrrow!?” Tabs said. What are you doing!? Tabs couldn’t believe his eyes.

The gray cat looked up at Tabs with kindness in his eyes “Mrow,” he spoke softly. I recognized you back there on the lake. “Meow.” Tabs, you’re one of my heroes.

Tabs was speechless. Heroes? What did the gray cat mean?

The gray hopped down to the ground, and then looked back up to Tabs. “Meow-row,” he said, his eyes glistening in the moonlight. You’ll be safe here till morning. I’ll lead them away.

“Mroww,” Tabs mewled, as the gray cat turned back toward the woods. Wait.

But the gray took off like a falcon in the night, disappearing into a copse of thick trees. “Mew…” Tabs whimpered after him. No…

— TO BE CONTINUED —

To follow our story from the beginning…

  • A RELAXING TIME: PART 1
  • A RELAXING TIME: PART 2
  • A RELAXING TIME: PART 3
  • A RELAXING TIME: PART 4
  • A RELAXING TIME: PART 5

Tabs for the Illamasqua Cat IQ Quotient Quad

Tabs for Milani Tinted Fur Mousse
[Continue reading…]

There are 9 comments on this post. Leave yours.

Categories: Just For Fun, Tabs Keywords: tabs

Sundays With Tabs the Cat, Makeup and Beauty Blog Mascot, Vol. 229

February 3rd, 2013 by Karen 16 Comments

21 Valentine's Day Gifts for Your Fabulous Feline
A carefully curated collection of fine gifts for your favorite feline overloard!

Dear Friends, Feline Fans and Pet Assistants,

Love is in the air, and I’m fee-line the spirit (haha)! love

With Valentine’s Day around the corner, I presume you’ve already given much careful thought to the gifts (note the plural use of the word) you intend to bestow upon your favorite feline.

But if you haven’t, well, I’m sure you have a good reason. Maybe your furry, feline overlord has been keeping you busy. It happens…and that’s where I can help.

I’ve carefully curated the following list of feline gift ideas. With a wide variety of cards, clothing, home decor, toys, accessories and jewelry here for almost any budget, there should be something to please even the most discriminating kitties.

As always, all my love,

Tabs

1. Valentine’s Day Cat Glasses, $10

15 Heart Shaped Sunglasses for Cats

For when the future’s so bright, your cat’s gotta wear shades. Available now at the NotsoKittyShop Etsy Shop.

2. Valentine Catnip Wool Cat Toy, $8

19 Valentine Catnip Wool Cat Toy
These colorful felted organic balls come packed with premium catnip. Available now at the Three Sassy Sisters Etsy Shop.

3. Because I Love You! Cat and Heart Valentine Note Card, $3.50

5 Because I Love You Cat and Heart Note Card
For kitties with a sense of humour! Available now at the Geri Shields Etsy Shop.

4. You’re Purr-fect Card, $3.50

6 Youre Purr fect
Is your feline the cat’s meow? Let him or her know with this purr-fect card made with recycled paper. Available now at the MAN vs. George Etsy Shop.
[Continue reading…]

There are 16 comments on this post. Leave yours.

Categories: Just For Fun, Tabs

Sundays With Tabs the Cat, Makeup and Beauty Blog Mascot, Vol. 228

January 27th, 2013 by Karen 8 Comments

Tabs for the Paul & Joe Feline Timepiece

A RELAXING TIME: PART 5
by Tabs the Cat

Tabs ran full bore toward the frozen edge of the rocky shore, pumping his tiny tabby legs on the ice like his life depended on it, half skating and out of control, but at least he was skating in the right direction, he thought.

“Meow!” Atta boy! the gray cat growled. It’s voice sounded like sandpaper on the wind. “Mrroww!” Watch out fer dem rocks! The cat gestured frantically at an area to the left of Tabs from where sharp rocks jutted out of the ice like spears. “Mrrreww.” They’ll tear ya apart quicker den dem wolves.

Tabs slowed to an unsteady trot to navigate around the rocks, slipping and sliding every few steps, but he managed to do it. As Tabs covered the last few feet to where the frozen lake met the rocky shore, he was finally able to get a good look at the gray cat. It was bigger and scragglier than any house cat Tabs had ever seen. It looked like a big dog with matted, stiff fur, only it had the face of a cat and friendly feline eyes.

Panting and wobbly, but completely aware of how close the werewolves must be, Tabs dashed up to the gray cat, not wanting to stop. “Mrow!” he managed to say, gasping for air. Thanks!

“Meew!” the gray cat replied. Don’t mention it. Both of them were running together now, side by side along the rocky beach, Tabs following the gray cat’s lead. They were moving steadily up the beach toward what looked like a dirt road at the tree line.

“Mrraow,” the gray cat said. No time for pleasantries, I’m afraid. “Meow, mrow rrow.” That road up there leads to a ranger’s station ’bout a quarter mile in. “Mrow.” Couple o’ cabins, some tall trees, plenty of places to hide.

“Meow?” You alright? the gray cat asked, looking Tabs up and down. “Mrrow.” Watched you take a nasty tumble back there on the ice. How’s yer noggin’?

Tabs was shocked for a moment by the gray cat’s concern but felt it was genuine. Years of globetrotting and kitty modeling had turned Tabs into a pretty good judge of character, and he felt that he could trust this cat.

“Meow,” Tabs replied. It’s fine. My assistant says I’m hard headed. The gray cat nodded once, signifying that he understood.

While they were still running, it was much easier to run on solid ground than the ice, and Tabs was starting to catch his breath. In the moonlight, Tabs saw that scars covered the gray cat’s grizzled features, and chips were missing from both of his ears. Tabs couldn’t tell how old the cat was, but he was clearly Tabs’ senior.

Tabs heard something from back toward the frozen shore, like falling rocks.

“Meew!” the gray cat hissed, looking over his shoulder but not slowing a step. Blast it! “Mraw!” Better pick up the pace!

— TO BE CONTINUED —

To follow our story from the beginning…

  • A RELAXING TIME: PART 1
  • A RELAXING TIME: PART 2
  • A RELAXING TIME: PART 3
  • A RELAXING TIME: PART 4

If you enjoyed this little tale and would like to see Tabs continue the story, let him know in the comments. 🙂 And now, here are some pics from Tabs’ every-growing kitty modeling portfolio.

Tabs for Benefit Wanted Feline Fragrance

Tabs for Urban Decay Honey Bee Lipgloss
[Continue reading…]

There are 8 comments on this post. Leave yours.

Categories: Just For Fun, Tabs

Sundays With Tabs the Cat, Makeup and Beauty Blog Mascot, Vol. 227

January 20th, 2013 by Karen 16 Comments

Tabs for Tabby Time by Calvin Klein

A RELAXING TIME: PART 4
by Tabs the Cat

Once through the door of the ice shack, Tabs was struck by the vastness of the night sky and the frozen lake. He was running on the ice, his little legs churning like propeller blades, his claws scraping for purchase.

Fear drove him faster, forward, deeper into the night. There were dots of light far ahead on the other side of the lake, but they seemed miles away. Nothing to his right but the expanse of the frozen lake, and to his left, the shadowy outline of an outcropping of land — another shore, or an island perhaps, much closer than the far shore but with no signs of life. Only a line of tall trees behind a rocky beach.

Where was the creature now? Tabs wondered. Had it pulled itself out from under the crates in the shack? Was it in pursuit of him now, chasing him down on the lake with its longer canine legs? Tabs couldn’t bring himself to look.

His lungs started to burn, and he realized that his pace was slowing. The lights on the far shore of the lake beckoned him. Tabs knew there was shelter there, people, but there was no way he would be able to run all the way across the lake. It was too far.

He scanned the closer shore to his left again for any signs of help or danger. Just then, the werewolf howled behind him.

It was close! Tabs shuddered, and his muscles briefly convulsed. He lost his footing and spun sideways and end over end on the ice. He slid 20 feet on his side before coming to a stop.

Stunned…Tabs lay there panting, hearing nothing but his own breathing, a ringing in his ears and the pounding of his tiny tabby heart.

He was still alive… That much he could tell, but he had lost his bearings in the fall.

Then, a second howl ripped him awake, immediately restoring his focus. Gingerly, Tabs climbed to his feet on unsteady legs.

The second howl came from his left, along the near shore but down a ways behind him.

A second werewolf? As if in reply, the first one howled again, this time closer.

“Mrow,” Tabs mewled, overcome with despair. Is this it? Is this how my story ends?

“Mrraw!” came a grizzled shout from the near shore. Over here!

Where? Tabs searched for the owner of the raspy voice.

“Mrraaw!” the voice called again. Get up, kid! They’re comin’!

And then Tabs saw a pair of wide feline eyes glowing green on the edge of the dark shore. They belonged to a big gray cat waving a huge paw in his direction.

“Mrow!” the gray cat yelled. You can make it!

I can make it, Tabs repeated to himself, drawing strength from the words. I can make it. He took one step toward the gray cat, and then another. And then he sprung and sprinted toward the shore as fast as he could.

— TO BE CONTINUED —

To follow our story from the beginning…

  • A RELAXING TIME: PART 1
  • A RELAXING TIME: PART 2
  • A RELAXING TIME: PART 3

If you enjoyed this little tale and would like to see Tabs continue the story, let him know in the comments. 🙂 And now, here are some pics from Tabs’ every-growing kitty modeling portfolio.

Tabs for Guerlain Betrayal

Tabs for Too Faced Teddy Bear Tummy Tint
[Continue reading…]

There are 16 comments on this post. Leave yours.

Categories: Just For Fun, Tabs Keywords: tabs

Sundays With Tabs the Cat, Makeup and Beauty Blog Mascot, Vol. 226

January 13th, 2013 by Karen 9 Comments

Sundays with Tabs the Cat: Makeup and Beauty Blog Mascot

Dear Tabby is written by Tabs the Cat, commonly regarded as “the world’s first plus-size kitty supermodel.” Founded in mid 2012, it has quickly become the most widely syndicated cat advice column on earth — known for its fresh, feline perspective on lifestyle, fashion and style issues affecting cats and humans.

Indoor cat misses her wild outdoor life

DEAR TABBY,

First — fangirl moment! — I really enjoy your column, Tabs. I’ve been reading it since the very beginning and always trust your advice. Love ya!

Okay, I’ll cut to the chase. I’m a former outdoor kitty who’s having a hard time adjusting to indoor life.

I had been living on my own for years, mostly camping outdoors, before meeting my assistant, Mary, whom I now care for deeply.

When Mary got her new place, she asked me to move in with her, and I said, “meow!” Why not? Since we got along so well.

Thing is, the move came with a condition: I had to relinquish my outdoor privileges.

Ouch.

Tabs, I love my assistant more than gravy (well…) and want to make this arrangement work, but I’m struggling with adjusting to life indoors. I spend hours gazing out the windows, wondering what the other cats in the neighborhood are doing and wishing I could be out there with them, hunting, playing and having a good old time.

I feel myself resenting Mary a little more each day, and I’m turning into a cranky cat. Once, last week, I even tried to make a break for it behind Mary’s back when she opened the door.

Tabby, what should I do? I love my assistant, but I just don’t know if I’m cut out to be an indoor kitty.

— Indoors in Indiana

An indoor life can be richly rewarding

DEAR INDOORS:

I completely understand. I spent my entire kitten-hood outdoors cruising the mean streets of Mill Valley before committing to a full-time indoor environment.

It’s hard…not having the freedom to roam.

But try to remember the perks that come with indoor living. Think about it! No more having to hunt for food and always having a warm place to nap. Plus, recent advancements in cat toy technology mean that indoor kitties have more entertainment options than ever.

Here’s another idea: have you considered learning to walk on a leash? I’ve found that long walks outdoors with my assistant have definitely made indoor living easier.

On leash, you can still get your fix for the outdoors, and you can get it without any outdoor cat drama (ugh! I’m so over territorial skirmishes!). It’s also a great way to spend quality time with your assistant.

Fashion-forward feline seeks collar advice

DEAR TABBY,

Sometimes, because I think it’s stylish and different, I like to wear my collar slightly askew, but some humans think it’s perfectly acceptable to readjust my collar without asking!

“Mrrow!” It drives me batty! And it’s bad enough when my assistant does it, but at least I know her. I’ve even had professional acquaintances and complete strangers do it without asking.

The last time it happened, I hissed, and the woman — get this — took offense.

Tabs, am I wrong to think my collar is off limits?

— Cranky in Cupertino

Cat collars as fashion statements…

DEAR CRANKY:

I’ve had the same thing happen before, and you know, I don’t understand it either.

Perhaps it’s just people trying to be helpful, or maybe it’s an impulsive/compulsive behavior.

The most important thing is that it made you uncomfortable, so you had every right to hiss. The woman should’ve asked you first. It would’ve been the polite thing to do. Hello, newsflash. Cats are sensitive about their personal space.
[Continue reading…]

There are 9 comments on this post. Leave yours.

Categories: Just For Fun, Tabs Keywords: dear-tabby

Sundays With Tabs the Cat, Makeup and Beauty Blog Mascot, Vol. 225

January 6th, 2013 by Karen 13 Comments

Tabs for MAC Beauty Gloves

A RELAXING TIME: PART 3
by Tabs the Cat

Tabs hissed and growled at the thing on the other side of the door, throwing decorum out the window. Sure, it was rude and not very neighborly of him, but he and dogs had never gotten along very well. He thought they were always so…pushy, and clumsy.

That was the thing about dogs, he thought. They had no respect for personal space.

Tabs could hear it sniffing loudly outside, conducting reconnaisance. Tabs knew about their keen sense of smell, and knew that this one probably already knew that Tabs was alone in the shed, terrified, a little on the plump side and wearing Coco Mademoiselle.

“Meeeeooowww,” he groaned, using his office voice. Who the hell is that? “Mrow!” Go away, or I’m calling the police!

No answer, and the sniffing sound stopped. Seconds passed, and Tabs wondered if his threat had worked to scare away the dog.

He got to thinking that he should look for an escape route in case the dog had a key to the door. It seemed unlikely, but Tabs wasn’t sure. The dog was probably a local, after all, and probably knew this area. Maybe it had even watched Tabs arrive.

The thought terrified Tabs, and his tiny heart started pounding. Frantically, he looked around the room again, his fearful eyes barely taking the time to focus.

There was the solitary window, which was shut, and quite small, and at least five feet off the frozen floor. The walls were vertical wooden slats, the ceiling corrugated sheet metal, and the ground was a solid slab of ice, except for the small fishing hole cut in the center.

He looked at the hole for a moment, listening to the lake water jostling within it, then to the now silent generator and rapidly cooling electric heater, his two bags beside the heavy wooden chair by the hole in the ice, a tall stack of wooden crates that he presumed were empty, and then at the workbench pushed up against one of the walls.

Nothing. No ways in or out, except for the door.

He trained his night vision on the door again and focussed his ears like parabolic radar dishes, scanning for the slightest sound…

And then the world exploded. There was a terrible crash against the door, coupled with ceaseless, thunderous barking. The noise caused Tabs to jump three feet in the air, and he landed awkwardly.

The crashing continued, over and over, and the door shuddered. The whole shack shook violently, and the metal roof clanged and buckled. Tabs cowered on the ice, shrinking against the floor, as his wild, wide eyes darted to and fro.

Tabs had never heard barking like that before. It was liquid, visceral fury. No, this wasn’t a dog, Tabs realized. This was a monster.

When the creature struck the door again, the door swung open.

Everything went completely silent as time stopped. What Tabs saw standing before him in the doorway was — at that moment he recognized it and remembered seeing one when he worked as an extra on HBO’s True Blood. The monster was a werewolf, and right then it leapt.

Instinctively, Tabs rolled to his left, sliding on the ice as the creature’s jaws snapped inches from his head. Momentum carried the large beast forward, and it careened into the wooden crates, unable to stop on the ice.

The crates tumbled down, shattering, and appeared to bury the creature beneath them, but Tabs didn’t hesitate. As soon as he regained his footing, he raced toward the open door, snapping up his Chanel overnight bag on the way, and sped out onto the dark, frozen lake.

— TO BE CONTINUED —

If you enjoyed this little tale and would like to see Tabs continue the story, let him know in the comments. 🙂 And now, here are some pics from Tabs’ ever-growing kitty modeling portfolio.

Tabs for Dior California Winter Sunglasses

Tabs for the Oscar de la Renta Wide Slimming Cat Belt
[Continue reading…]

There are 13 comments on this post. Leave yours.

Categories: Just For Fun, Tabs Keywords: tabs

Sundays With Tabs the Cat, Makeup and Beauty Blog Mascot, Vol. 224

December 30th, 2012 by Karen 13 Comments

Tabs for Covercat Cheekers Blush

A RELAXING TIME: PART 2
by Tabs the Cat

Tabs sat motionless in the shed, letting his eyes adjust to the darkness as the ringing in his ears from the once noisy generator subsided.

Soon, thanks to the sparse moonlight coming in through the one tiny window in the room, he could clearly make out shapes — the chair, his Louis Vuitton luggage and Chanel overnight bag, the generator, electric heater, the hole in the ice and the small wooden workman’s desk — and then details, like the lovely Chanel double C logo, the elegant Louis Vuitton pattern and a familiar-looking tool on top of the desk…

Can opener, he thought. That’s what his assistant called them. He never figured out how to make it work, but he knew that it could produce gravy. His assistant did it all the time.

Knowing it was here, he felt a tinge of relief. Maybe he could figure out how to use it if he had to. If his assistant could use it, it couldn’t be that hard.

Carefully, he walked over to the edge of the hole in the ice and peered down. Water gently lapped against the sides, but its depths were impenetrable, even to his efficient kitty eyes.

“Meow!” he called. Siri! Then he made his way around to the other side of the hole and tried again, louder this time. “Meow!!” Siri!!

No answer… Was she ignoring him, or somehow unable to reply?

“Mrf!” he huffed. Probably the former. These days, it’s just so hard to find good help.

It occurred to Tabs that he wouldn’t be in this situation had his assistant back at the office done her job. She was in charge of travel arrangements, after all, so this was entirely her fault.

“Mmrrrwww…” he grumbled. He was going to give her an earful when he got —

Tabs whipped around and focussed his senses intensely on the door. He heard something outside, something shuffling on the ice. His ears rotated on his head like tiny radar dishes trying to triangulate the source of the sound.

There! He heard it again. Something skilled in the art of espionage. It was close. Right behind the door, and it was big. Tabs could tell. Much bigger than a cat.

Then, the smell. Instinctively, Tabs arched his back to appear larger, triggered his claws and hissed loudly at the door.

Dog!

— TO BE CONTINUED —

If you enjoyed this little tale and would like to see Tabs continue the story, let him know in the comments. 🙂 And now, here are some pics from Tabs’ ever-growing kitty modeling portfolio.

Tabs for Elizabeth Arden Pikake Purr Perfume

Tabs for ELF Duo Eyeshadow Cream in Archer
[Continue reading…]

There are 13 comments on this post. Leave yours.

Categories: Just For Fun, Tabs Keywords: tabs

Sundays With Tabs, the Archives: From Anastasia to Zoya

December 27th, 2012 by Karen 17 Comments

Sundays With Tabs, the Archives

The archives. As I’m sure you’re aware, our benefactor here on Makeup and Beauty Blog is world-renowned kitty supermodel/entrepreneur Tabs the Cat, star of stage, screen and printed glossy magazines, and the CFO (Chief Feline Officer) of Tabs the Cat Industries, LLC, a Feline Fortune 500 company.

Over the course of his prolific career, Tabs has worked on hundreds (more than 540!) kitty modeling campaigns for fashion and beauty brands both big and small, and here they are, all of them in a single, GIGANTIC post! 🙂

In alphabetical order, starting with Anastasia…

ANASTASIA

ANASTASIA

APPLE

APPLE

APPLE

AQUOLINA

AVEDA

[Continue reading…]

There are 17 comments on this post. Leave yours.

Categories: Just For Fun, Tabs Keywords: tabs

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