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Why are dainty, diminutive clutches so darned popular at fancy parties and events?

I mean, they’re kind of inconvenient. Because they’re so tiny, they don’t steal any thunder from the dresses (always a good thing), so I guess that’s probably the reason, but dang if they aren’t totally impractical.

In my hotel room on Monday, as I rushed to get ready and struggled to squeeze everything I wanted/needed to bring with me to the show into the spritely Whiting & Davis Gold Mesh Clutch, I started to panic a little.

The clutch was just too small.

I’d planned to do a heavier full-coverage look for my foundation and powder and touch it up at night with a powder compact, rather than just with blotting papers (I felt like the powder would do a better job keeping everything intact).

But between my phone, keys, one lipstick, a lip liner, gloss and, um…a cardboard cutout of my cat, there was no room left in the clutch! — which was incidentally smaller than my size 7 shoes.

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Wow, babe. MIND BLOWN.

I don’t know why it took me so long to figure this out, but better late than never.

First, a little backstory. Last Saturday I was testing out a possible Emmys makeup look — yes, I’m kind of nerdy that way, but it never hurts to be prepared. I got it into my head that I wanted to wear a big, dramatic pair of false lashes to the show.

The thing is, some big lashes can be super uncomfortable off the shelf. I’ll usually trim them down to size, but even so — the big ones can still be uncomfortable.

I guess I have an oddly shaped lash line or something because the inner lash band always pokes me right in a sensitive spot, and it’s astronomically annoying.

So, I was thinking about this, trying to figure out what to do. What could I do, I wondered, to make a pair of dramatic false lashes more comfortable?

I know! — I’ll cut each one in half and apply the halves separately. 🙂

I grabbed a pair of haggard 120 Demis by Ardell (I’d already used them a few times before), and cut them in half right down the middle with a pair of scissors. Then I applied the outer half first and the inner half second.

Boom. This is when my mind was blown.

I can say this with absolute certainty: I never, ever expected that I would ever be doing actual red carpet makeup on myself.

Soooooooo, to prep for the Emmys this year, I asked LA-based makeup artist and all-around-nice-gal Vanessa Haro for some of her best red carpet makeup tips.

Vanessa has done makeup for the Oscars, for photo shoots in magazines, and for gajillions (I don’t know if that’s an actual number…) of brides in the So Cal area.

She also glams up some of the seriously sexiest models in LA — and those girls have butts — swear to gawd — that make me want to do squats every hour for the rest of my life. LOL!

TMI, but it’s so true.

So yeah, girlfriend is busy.

Anywho, before the show I told her, as calmly as possible, that I was kind of freaking out about my Emmys makeup situation. I couldn’t figure out what to do, and she was kind enough to help.

Here are four of Vanessa’s top black-tie/formal/gala extravaganza makeup tips.

1. Grab your mattes

“Red carpets need makeup to be a little heavier than normal, but no glitter/shimmer on the face. It tends to look cray. I use mostly neutral matte shadows and matte peachy blush with matte peachy bronzers.”

2. Place shimmer strategically

“Highlighter should be very soft. If you can, get your hands on Kohgendo’s Liquid Illuminator in Beige. It looks beautiful above the cheekbones, on the inner corners of the eyes, and right along the Cupid’s bow. Or, try a very finely milled powder — the BECCA ones applied very lightly may work. For the eyes, I add a touch of pearl finish shadow right on the lid, keeping it closer to the lash line and maybe a teeny bit of shimmery eye shadow along the outer part of the crease.”

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